12 dangerous reasons to get married

by Dr. Shauna H. Springer

When one looks to one’s partner to be any type of drug instead of a living, breathing human being with an agenda of his or her own, the result is often a short-lived bond.

In terms of motivations for marriage, thus far I’ve been focusing mostly on delusional thinking processes caused by fantasies we create during the cocaine-rush phase of relationships. For example, within the context of a short courtship, two delusional reasons for getting married are “because it feels like I’ve known you forever, even though we just met” and “because our love story would make a great movie.”
There are a number of other equally bad reasons to take the plunge. These generally fall into three categories—anxiety, inadequacy, and self-centered pragmatics.
If you are contemplating marriage or are “on the hunt” for a spouse, I’d advise you to get honest with yourself and plumb the depths of your motivations. Do your motivations stem from any of the following thoughts?
I want to get married…
• because all of my friends are doing it.
• because I don’t know if I’ll get another chance if I take a pass on this one.
• because I want to feel secure.
• because I don’t want to deal with the dating world anymore.
These motivations are fear based. Anxiety is driving the bus when we fear that we will be left behind, when we accept the premise that a full and interesting life without a spouse is less successful than a partnered life, or when we believe that marriage will give us a sense of security that we cannot experience without a partner.
In a way, the person who marries for these reasons is looking to his or her partner to function as a different type of drug—not cocaine, but some type of sedative in this case. The supposed stability and security of the marital bond is sought as an antidote to the tumultuousness of “life on the outside.” When one looks to one’s partner to be any type of drug instead of a living, breathing human being with an agenda of his or her own, the result is often a short-lived bond.
A second category of unwise motivation is marrying because of feelings of inadequacy, typified by any of the following thoughts:
I want to get married…
• because the person I’m dating loves me and that makes me feel special and lovable.
• because marriage will show everyone that I’m an adult.
• because marriage will demonstrate that someone wants me.
• because this will bring my life into better focus.
• because I’m lonely.
If your motivations fall within this category, please consider some of the future blog posts I’ll submit about self-esteem and marital success (upcoming in the next couple months). I’ll need some space to address this issue in a meaningful way.
Finally, a third category of misguided motivation is shallow pragmatics, which boils down to thoughts such as these:
I want to get married…
• because we’ve dated awhile and this is the next logical step to take.
• because I want to register for nice things and create a Pottery Barn nest for myself.
• because I will not get stationed with this hottie I’m dating unless I marry him/her (for those in the military).
As someone who hears the stories that people don’t tell in polite society, I continue to be surprised at the frequency of motivations like these. Ultimately, motivations in any of these categories are likely to result in what author Pamela Paul has referred to as a “starter marriage.”
—————————
Shauna Springer, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, relationship and lifestyle researcher, and author of Marriage, for Equals: The Successful Joint (Ad)Ventures of Well-Educated Couples.

12 dangerous reasons to get married

by Dr. Shauna H. Springer

When one looks to one’s partner to be any type of drug instead of a living, breathing human being with an agenda of his or her own, the result is often a short-lived bond.

In terms of motivations for marriage, thus far I’ve been focusing mostly on delusional thinking processes caused by fantasies we create during the cocaine-rush phase of relationships. For example, within the context of a short courtship, two delusional reasons for getting married are “because it feels like I’ve known you forever, even though we just met” and “because our love story would make a great movie.”
There are a number of other equally bad reasons to take the plunge. These generally fall into three categories—anxiety, inadequacy, and self-centered pragmatics.
If you are contemplating marriage or are “on the hunt” for a spouse, I’d advise you to get honest with yourself and plumb the depths of your motivations. Do your motivations stem from any of the following thoughts?
I want to get married…
• because all of my friends are doing it.
• because I don’t know if I’ll get another chance if I take a pass on this one.
• because I want to feel secure.
• because I don’t want to deal with the dating world anymore.
These motivations are fear based. Anxiety is driving the bus when we fear that we will be left behind, when we accept the premise that a full and interesting life without a spouse is less successful than a partnered life, or when we believe that marriage will give us a sense of security that we cannot experience without a partner.
In a way, the person who marries for these reasons is looking to his or her partner to function as a different type of drug—not cocaine, but some type of sedative in this case. The supposed stability and security of the marital bond is sought as an antidote to the tumultuousness of “life on the outside.” When one looks to one’s partner to be any type of drug instead of a living, breathing human being with an agenda of his or her own, the result is often a short-lived bond.
A second category of unwise motivation is marrying because of feelings of inadequacy, typified by any of the following thoughts:
I want to get married…
• because the person I’m dating loves me and that makes me feel special and lovable.
• because marriage will show everyone that I’m an adult.
• because marriage will demonstrate that someone wants me.
• because this will bring my life into better focus.
• because I’m lonely.
If your motivations fall within this category, please consider some of the future blog posts I’ll submit about self-esteem and marital success (upcoming in the next couple months). I’ll need some space to address this issue in a meaningful way.
Finally, a third category of misguided motivation is shallow pragmatics, which boils down to thoughts such as these:
I want to get married…
• because we’ve dated awhile and this is the next logical step to take.
• because I want to register for nice things and create a Pottery Barn nest for myself.
• because I will not get stationed with this hottie I’m dating unless I marry him/her (for those in the military).
As someone who hears the stories that people don’t tell in polite society, I continue to be surprised at the frequency of motivations like these. Ultimately, motivations in any of these categories are likely to result in what author Pamela Paul has referred to as a “starter marriage.”
—————————
Shauna Springer, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, relationship and lifestyle researcher, and author of Marriage, for Equals: The Successful Joint (Ad)Ventures of Well-Educated Couples.

6 (and a half) things you should STOP expecting from others

by Amy Shearn

We’ve heard it again and again: Don’t expect that you can revise (or worse, correct) someone. Loving people means loving them the way they are.

1. Stop Expecting People: To Be Your Partner in Crime
A group of friends and I had been out late one night when I saw it there, glowing like a beacon: the 24-hour frozen-yogurt stand. “You have to get something with me,” I urged a friend’s girlfriend, who I didn’t know well. At my insistence, she came with, and after I ordered a Snickers-covered chocolate something, she reluctantly ordered a small lemonade. It took me a good while to realize that she had a lot of reasons for not wanting to be my partner in crime: She was out of money, she had to be up early and was hoping to head home. I’d thought it would be a fun, dorm-room-y bonding moment, but in the end, I was forcing the connection, as if only her enjoyment would justify my own. Ditto for staying up all night, ditto for spending a lot of money on fancy soap or whatever it is. It’s okay if indulging in a particular guilty pleasure makes you happy. Do it. Be happy, down to the $7.50 in extra toppings.
2. Stop Expecting People: To Be on Time
They won’t be. Stop being mad about it. Just bring a book to read while you wait.
3. Stop Expecting People: To Bash You on the Way to the Copier
Pop Quiz: You turn the corner in the office and hear your name mentioned in conversation.
You…
(a) Assume they have called a special hallway meeting to discuss your many faults, foibles and fashion felonies.
(b) Try to head them off at the pass, bursting in with an, “I know, my presentation was horrible, wasn’t it?”
(c) Go right back to your desk and bury your head in paperwork, hoping maybe they’ll forget you exist.
(d) Think about what people usually talk about in public spaces at work, figure they are discussing some rather mundane logistical matter that concerns you, keep walking toward them and smile as you say hello.
If you answered (d), pick up your gold sticker on the way home! Regardless of what anyone was actually saying, you have a positive, balanced worldview and self-image. Trust that people think the best of you. (And, if they don’t, let that be their problem, not yours.)
4. Stop Expecting People: To Like Your Catstache Picture
As you already knew on some level or another, that photo you just took of yourself holding your cat’s face to your upper lip was about you and your adorable kitty. It doesn’t matter if it gets 175 “likes” or retumbled 87 times or retweeted 329 times or if only your mother-in-law, who “likes” everything, “likes” your post. Post what you want to post,ride the dopamine rush, and give your feline some catnip treats to show her how much you love (not like) her, no internet required.
5. (a) Stop Expecting People: To Change
We’ve heard it again and again: Don’t expect that you can revise (or worse, correct) someone. Loving people means loving them the way they are. Like, for example, those people in your family—you know, the ones whom you have known your whole life? You know how your little sister has always had temper tantrums when she gets hangry (half-hungry, half-angry, all-unbearable) from the day she ate her first bite right up until her wedding morning? You know how your father has always gotten grumpy when his routine gets upended making him a rotten traveler? Right. Those things are not going to change just because pants styles, presidents and gas prices have.
(b) Stop Expecting People: Not to Change
And, yet. Let’s not get cynical, here. The truth is somewhere in between people changing and never changing. Don’t discount the person who sets out to make a switch. When your friend swears she’s giving up her constant, compulsive, IRL-conversation-killing texting habit, don’t roll your eyes and text her, “Yeah, right.” Sometimes a big part of a person changing is having the support of her friends and family—the more people believe in this new her, this her that doesn’t constantly have a smartphone in her hands, the more she’ll be able to picture what this new her can really become.
6. Stop Expecting People: To Give You a Dream Compliment
You spent what you usually spend on a week’s worth of groceries on getting your hair done—the color, the cut, the blow-out—and it’s perfect. And yet, people at the party compliment your shoes. Yes, your 15-year-old shoes, bought before the invention of Zappos, fished out of the back of the closet at the last minute. Have the grace to take a compliment for what it is, rather than moping over all the other great things about you that they overlooked—your great vision for your company (when they instead laud your ability to make peace among warring co-workers); your ninja-like hedge-clipping (when they simply praise your lawn as “tidy”). There will be an opportunity for you to wow them in the way you most want to. Greatness never goes undetected for long.
———————————————–
Read more in Oprah

6 (and a half) things you should STOP expecting from others

by Amy Shearn

We’ve heard it again and again: Don’t expect that you can revise (or worse, correct) someone. Loving people means loving them the way they are.

1. Stop Expecting People: To Be Your Partner in Crime
A group of friends and I had been out late one night when I saw it there, glowing like a beacon: the 24-hour frozen-yogurt stand. “You have to get something with me,” I urged a friend’s girlfriend, who I didn’t know well. At my insistence, she came with, and after I ordered a Snickers-covered chocolate something, she reluctantly ordered a small lemonade. It took me a good while to realize that she had a lot of reasons for not wanting to be my partner in crime: She was out of money, she had to be up early and was hoping to head home. I’d thought it would be a fun, dorm-room-y bonding moment, but in the end, I was forcing the connection, as if only her enjoyment would justify my own. Ditto for staying up all night, ditto for spending a lot of money on fancy soap or whatever it is. It’s okay if indulging in a particular guilty pleasure makes you happy. Do it. Be happy, down to the $7.50 in extra toppings.
2. Stop Expecting People: To Be on Time
They won’t be. Stop being mad about it. Just bring a book to read while you wait.
3. Stop Expecting People: To Bash You on the Way to the Copier
Pop Quiz: You turn the corner in the office and hear your name mentioned in conversation.
You…
(a) Assume they have called a special hallway meeting to discuss your many faults, foibles and fashion felonies.
(b) Try to head them off at the pass, bursting in with an, “I know, my presentation was horrible, wasn’t it?”
(c) Go right back to your desk and bury your head in paperwork, hoping maybe they’ll forget you exist.
(d) Think about what people usually talk about in public spaces at work, figure they are discussing some rather mundane logistical matter that concerns you, keep walking toward them and smile as you say hello.
If you answered (d), pick up your gold sticker on the way home! Regardless of what anyone was actually saying, you have a positive, balanced worldview and self-image. Trust that people think the best of you. (And, if they don’t, let that be their problem, not yours.)
4. Stop Expecting People: To Like Your Catstache Picture
As you already knew on some level or another, that photo you just took of yourself holding your cat’s face to your upper lip was about you and your adorable kitty. It doesn’t matter if it gets 175 “likes” or retumbled 87 times or retweeted 329 times or if only your mother-in-law, who “likes” everything, “likes” your post. Post what you want to post,ride the dopamine rush, and give your feline some catnip treats to show her how much you love (not like) her, no internet required.
5. (a) Stop Expecting People: To Change
We’ve heard it again and again: Don’t expect that you can revise (or worse, correct) someone. Loving people means loving them the way they are. Like, for example, those people in your family—you know, the ones whom you have known your whole life? You know how your little sister has always had temper tantrums when she gets hangry (half-hungry, half-angry, all-unbearable) from the day she ate her first bite right up until her wedding morning? You know how your father has always gotten grumpy when his routine gets upended making him a rotten traveler? Right. Those things are not going to change just because pants styles, presidents and gas prices have.
(b) Stop Expecting People: Not to Change
And, yet. Let’s not get cynical, here. The truth is somewhere in between people changing and never changing. Don’t discount the person who sets out to make a switch. When your friend swears she’s giving up her constant, compulsive, IRL-conversation-killing texting habit, don’t roll your eyes and text her, “Yeah, right.” Sometimes a big part of a person changing is having the support of her friends and family—the more people believe in this new her, this her that doesn’t constantly have a smartphone in her hands, the more she’ll be able to picture what this new her can really become.
6. Stop Expecting People: To Give You a Dream Compliment
You spent what you usually spend on a week’s worth of groceries on getting your hair done—the color, the cut, the blow-out—and it’s perfect. And yet, people at the party compliment your shoes. Yes, your 15-year-old shoes, bought before the invention of Zappos, fished out of the back of the closet at the last minute. Have the grace to take a compliment for what it is, rather than moping over all the other great things about you that they overlooked—your great vision for your company (when they instead laud your ability to make peace among warring co-workers); your ninja-like hedge-clipping (when they simply praise your lawn as “tidy”). There will be an opportunity for you to wow them in the way you most want to. Greatness never goes undetected for long.
———————————————–
Read more in Oprah

11 tips for making your work life easier

After long and thorough studies scientists have made a conclusion that people’s mental work is more productive when they take small breaks. And we shouldn’t also forget about changing the activities from time to time. That’s why don’t be afraid to have a short walk to make copies or to make a cup of tea or coffee in the office kitchen.

We all must confess that our work usually takes the biggest part of a day and requires much of our energy and attention. Since we can’t avoid it we must do everything in our powers to make our life easier and our work less stressful but more productive. Here are 11 tips that will help you to make your life at work much easier if you use them as your basic rule every day.
1. Wholesome breakfast
It is really important to start your day with something tasty and healthy. Sure, it might take a bit more time than you are used to to prepare it. But on the other hand you will feel yourself more comfortable and full of energy if you start your working day with something substantial but not with a cup of coffee drunk on the move.
2. It’s all about shoes
My advice is to choose your shoes while taking into consideration the peculiarities of your work. It is not that convenient to run back and forth about the office wearing high heels, isn’t it? I always have a pair of comfy office flats and a hair of dress heels under my desk. This small trick will give you possibility to always have an appropriate look and feel comfortable at the same time.
3. Start your day earlier
The first problem we face in the morning is getting out of bed. It requires all your will power and self-control. Make yourself get up earlier and after you get used to the set up time you will feel the benefits. First of all, you won’t be late for work and, secondly, your morning will be more peaceful and pleasant as there will be no necessity to rush around your apartment. As you start getting up an hour earlier than you used to you will have some time for yourself at least to have a decent breakfast. You will also manage to carry out some easy tasks so you wouldn’t have to constantly think about them all day long.
4. Take breaks
After long and thorough studies scientists have made a conclusion that people’s mental work is more productive when they take small breaks. And we shouldn’t also forget about changing the activities from time to time. That’s why don’t be afraid to have a short walk to make copies or to make a cup of tea or coffee in the office kitchen. This will distract you from that huge amount of stuff to do and you will get back to it refreshed and with enthusiasm.
5. Clear your desk
To make your days at work easier and more comfortable, look at your desk and put it into order. I’m sure there is a lot of stuff you don’t actually need but which is always interfering. So take a 5 minute break and devote it to cleaning your desk, take away what you don’t need, bring your cup back to kitchen and wipe it at least with a napkin. You will definitely feel yourself better sitting at your clean and neat desk.
6. Get ready for Monday on Friday
In order to have a nice and carefree weekend you’d better get everything done for Monday on Friday. Nothing spoils your day off more greatly than thinking about how much you have to do on Monday morning or to prepare for the beginning of the week. Then your Monday morning will be more pleasant and calm, you won’t have to rush about and eventually you won’t end up with many thing undone or left at home.
7. Be productive
I’m sure all of you carry out your duties with all responsibility but to be honest there are some days when you have nothing more to do. Instead of surfing the net and various social networks think of something really useful to do. Depending on the kind of work you do in your office take initiative, take advantage of the opportunity to show your creativity. You may start a blog, think of a fresh idea of a project or your own investigation on some issue. You won’t have time to be bored, I may guarantee that after accomplishing it you will be satisfied with yourself. Moreover, you boss won’t leave your initiative unnoticed.
8. Take your favorite food
Nothing will make your mood better and your long working day more bearable like some of your favorite delicious foods or drinks on your desk. Everything will go starting with your favorite kind of tee to sweets or sandwiches. Then during the break you will have the pleasure of trying delicious snacks which will help you relax and get through the rest of the day easier. So take care of this beforehand either preparing it at home or dropping at a supermarket on your way.
9. Make lists
Do you always forget to take that file with you? Is 24 hours not enough for you to carry out all your tasks? Then the best solution will be for you to get acquainted with basic rules of time management and making lists. Spare some 5 minutes to jot down what you have to do for today or the tasks for tomorrow. It is important to remain objective. Think of how much time this or that task will take you, don’t over and don’t underestimate yourself, otherwise it will not be effective.
10. Coworker-friend
I’m sure you have good relationships with your coworkers but most probably they are simply professional. Try to find a person who seems to have similar interests and views and take a step forward. Try to find a new true friend. This should be a person with whom you may have a chat during the coffee break, with whom you may joke and who may give you advice in the time of need. Having a friend will definitely make your work routine easier and more diverse.
11. Have an after work activity
After a long and hard day at work you should treat yourself to something nice and extremely pleasant. This doesn’t mean that every day you should go out with your friends or with your partner. Plan to have a bath in the evening or to cook something you have wanted to try for a long time, to watch your favorite TV show or engage yourself with your hobby. Invent something interesting and desired so you can be looking forward to. You will see that your working hours will go faster.
————————————–
Read more in Amerikanki

11 tips for making your work life easier

After long and thorough studies scientists have made a conclusion that people’s mental work is more productive when they take small breaks. And we shouldn’t also forget about changing the activities from time to time. That’s why don’t be afraid to have a short walk to make copies or to make a cup of tea or coffee in the office kitchen.

We all must confess that our work usually takes the biggest part of a day and requires much of our energy and attention. Since we can’t avoid it we must do everything in our powers to make our life easier and our work less stressful but more productive. Here are 11 tips that will help you to make your life at work much easier if you use them as your basic rule every day.
1. Wholesome breakfast
It is really important to start your day with something tasty and healthy. Sure, it might take a bit more time than you are used to to prepare it. But on the other hand you will feel yourself more comfortable and full of energy if you start your working day with something substantial but not with a cup of coffee drunk on the move.
2. It’s all about shoes
My advice is to choose your shoes while taking into consideration the peculiarities of your work. It is not that convenient to run back and forth about the office wearing high heels, isn’t it? I always have a pair of comfy office flats and a hair of dress heels under my desk. This small trick will give you possibility to always have an appropriate look and feel comfortable at the same time.
3. Start your day earlier
The first problem we face in the morning is getting out of bed. It requires all your will power and self-control. Make yourself get up earlier and after you get used to the set up time you will feel the benefits. First of all, you won’t be late for work and, secondly, your morning will be more peaceful and pleasant as there will be no necessity to rush around your apartment. As you start getting up an hour earlier than you used to you will have some time for yourself at least to have a decent breakfast. You will also manage to carry out some easy tasks so you wouldn’t have to constantly think about them all day long.
4. Take breaks
After long and thorough studies scientists have made a conclusion that people’s mental work is more productive when they take small breaks. And we shouldn’t also forget about changing the activities from time to time. That’s why don’t be afraid to have a short walk to make copies or to make a cup of tea or coffee in the office kitchen. This will distract you from that huge amount of stuff to do and you will get back to it refreshed and with enthusiasm.
5. Clear your desk
To make your days at work easier and more comfortable, look at your desk and put it into order. I’m sure there is a lot of stuff you don’t actually need but which is always interfering. So take a 5 minute break and devote it to cleaning your desk, take away what you don’t need, bring your cup back to kitchen and wipe it at least with a napkin. You will definitely feel yourself better sitting at your clean and neat desk.
6. Get ready for Monday on Friday
In order to have a nice and carefree weekend you’d better get everything done for Monday on Friday. Nothing spoils your day off more greatly than thinking about how much you have to do on Monday morning or to prepare for the beginning of the week. Then your Monday morning will be more pleasant and calm, you won’t have to rush about and eventually you won’t end up with many thing undone or left at home.
7. Be productive
I’m sure all of you carry out your duties with all responsibility but to be honest there are some days when you have nothing more to do. Instead of surfing the net and various social networks think of something really useful to do. Depending on the kind of work you do in your office take initiative, take advantage of the opportunity to show your creativity. You may start a blog, think of a fresh idea of a project or your own investigation on some issue. You won’t have time to be bored, I may guarantee that after accomplishing it you will be satisfied with yourself. Moreover, you boss won’t leave your initiative unnoticed.
8. Take your favorite food
Nothing will make your mood better and your long working day more bearable like some of your favorite delicious foods or drinks on your desk. Everything will go starting with your favorite kind of tee to sweets or sandwiches. Then during the break you will have the pleasure of trying delicious snacks which will help you relax and get through the rest of the day easier. So take care of this beforehand either preparing it at home or dropping at a supermarket on your way.
9. Make lists
Do you always forget to take that file with you? Is 24 hours not enough for you to carry out all your tasks? Then the best solution will be for you to get acquainted with basic rules of time management and making lists. Spare some 5 minutes to jot down what you have to do for today or the tasks for tomorrow. It is important to remain objective. Think of how much time this or that task will take you, don’t over and don’t underestimate yourself, otherwise it will not be effective.
10. Coworker-friend
I’m sure you have good relationships with your coworkers but most probably they are simply professional. Try to find a person who seems to have similar interests and views and take a step forward. Try to find a new true friend. This should be a person with whom you may have a chat during the coffee break, with whom you may joke and who may give you advice in the time of need. Having a friend will definitely make your work routine easier and more diverse.
11. Have an after work activity
After a long and hard day at work you should treat yourself to something nice and extremely pleasant. This doesn’t mean that every day you should go out with your friends or with your partner. Plan to have a bath in the evening or to cook something you have wanted to try for a long time, to watch your favorite TV show or engage yourself with your hobby. Invent something interesting and desired so you can be looking forward to. You will see that your working hours will go faster.
————————————–
Read more in Amerikanki

4 ways to solve communication problems with your partner

by Meghna Mukherjee

If nagging and yelling has not come to your rescue yet, try some other way of addressing this problem. Sometimes you just need to find out another way to get your partner hear you out. 

Communication problems are something that happens in every relationship. But that does not mean that you give up on your relationship. Here are some ways you can resolve the issue.
Realise your relationship has a problem 
The most important and probably one of the first things to solving this problem is that you acknowledge the fact that you are having problems in your relationship. Once you admit that there is something that is going wrong between the two of you, talking it out will become simpler.
Talk about it 
Normally when you don’t talk at all about your problems, what is bothering you or anything at all with your partner, it tends to bring out a communication problem in your relationship. Often couples don’t seem to recognise this problem and they go about ignoring one another.
Try a different approach 
If nagging and yelling has not come to your rescue yet, try some other way of addressing this problem. Sometimes you just need to find out another way to get your partner hear you out. It can be anything – from emotionally blackmailing him to keeping your attitude and anger in check and talking politely.
Seek professional help 
Just because you are in a relationship that does not mean you can solve every issue by yourself. Sometimes to get some issues solved, you need to ask for professional help to tackle the issue better.
—————————-
Read this in Times of India

4 ways to solve communication problems with your partner

by Meghna Mukherjee

If nagging and yelling has not come to your rescue yet, try some other way of addressing this problem. Sometimes you just need to find out another way to get your partner hear you out. 

Communication problems are something that happens in every relationship. But that does not mean that you give up on your relationship. Here are some ways you can resolve the issue.
Realise your relationship has a problem 
The most important and probably one of the first things to solving this problem is that you acknowledge the fact that you are having problems in your relationship. Once you admit that there is something that is going wrong between the two of you, talking it out will become simpler.
Talk about it 
Normally when you don’t talk at all about your problems, what is bothering you or anything at all with your partner, it tends to bring out a communication problem in your relationship. Often couples don’t seem to recognise this problem and they go about ignoring one another.
Try a different approach 
If nagging and yelling has not come to your rescue yet, try some other way of addressing this problem. Sometimes you just need to find out another way to get your partner hear you out. It can be anything – from emotionally blackmailing him to keeping your attitude and anger in check and talking politely.
Seek professional help 
Just because you are in a relationship that does not mean you can solve every issue by yourself. Sometimes to get some issues solved, you need to ask for professional help to tackle the issue better.
—————————-
Read this in Times of India

5 benefits of breaking up with a girl

by Nick Roy

All the empowered women across the country have one battle cry, ‘we don’t need a man.’ We say, let’s flip it around this time. 

Whether it’s your long-term girlfriend or a woman you’ve just started dating, if you feel like calling it quits with your girl, then you ought to do it. Of course there are benefits of doing so as well. All the empowered women across the country have one battle cry, ‘we don’t need a man.’ We say, let’s flip it around this time. There are plenty of reasons for men to leave their girlfriends as well as these top five reasons will show you.
1. Eat where and what you want
Sample this. You ask your girlfriend where does she want to eat, and she replies saying she is cool with anywhere. When you go on to suggest places, she refuses each one of them citing the most lame reasons ever. Familiar much? Imagine when you break up, you can eat any god damn thing at any shady place on the face of this earth. Yes, praise the lord!
2. Save an awful lot of money
This is really a no-brainer. When you don’t have to go on dates all the time, and not buy presents for each other, your bank accounts starts to get a whole lot better. Now that you don’t have to spend your hard earned money on someone else, you can now spend it on the person you really want- yourself! In fact you can also start saving money, finally!
3. No spooning
Yes, when was the last time you had the bed all for yourself? Don’t remember. Rejoice for now you can spread your legs, spread your arms and take up every inch of the space the bed has because now it’s only you. There will be no face full of hair, dead arm or a strained back. There will be no one to put her cold feet on you or no one to sleep talk. It will be just you.
4. Hang out with your guy friends, finally!
Friends – remember those cool people with whom you spent time before you had a girlfriend. Then you got a girl and rarely saw them after. Well, now you can spend as much time with them as you want. You might not know it till you reconnect with them, but you have unknowingly missed them a lot, and so have they. So, get ready for some insanely crazy nights, beer laughs and drunken revelries.
5. Get another girl
People will immediately tell you after a break up how you can do so much better. And guess what, they are saying the truth. You need to realize that now is the time to go all out, meet interesting people, do awesome things and even score a girl who is ten times hotter than your previous girlfriend. All you need to do is have belief in yourself.
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Read more in MENSXP

5 benefits of breaking up with a girl

by Nick Roy

All the empowered women across the country have one battle cry, ‘we don’t need a man.’ We say, let’s flip it around this time. 

Whether it’s your long-term girlfriend or a woman you’ve just started dating, if you feel like calling it quits with your girl, then you ought to do it. Of course there are benefits of doing so as well. All the empowered women across the country have one battle cry, ‘we don’t need a man.’ We say, let’s flip it around this time. There are plenty of reasons for men to leave their girlfriends as well as these top five reasons will show you.
1. Eat where and what you want
Sample this. You ask your girlfriend where does she want to eat, and she replies saying she is cool with anywhere. When you go on to suggest places, she refuses each one of them citing the most lame reasons ever. Familiar much? Imagine when you break up, you can eat any god damn thing at any shady place on the face of this earth. Yes, praise the lord!
2. Save an awful lot of money
This is really a no-brainer. When you don’t have to go on dates all the time, and not buy presents for each other, your bank accounts starts to get a whole lot better. Now that you don’t have to spend your hard earned money on someone else, you can now spend it on the person you really want- yourself! In fact you can also start saving money, finally!
3. No spooning
Yes, when was the last time you had the bed all for yourself? Don’t remember. Rejoice for now you can spread your legs, spread your arms and take up every inch of the space the bed has because now it’s only you. There will be no face full of hair, dead arm or a strained back. There will be no one to put her cold feet on you or no one to sleep talk. It will be just you.
4. Hang out with your guy friends, finally!
Friends – remember those cool people with whom you spent time before you had a girlfriend. Then you got a girl and rarely saw them after. Well, now you can spend as much time with them as you want. You might not know it till you reconnect with them, but you have unknowingly missed them a lot, and so have they. So, get ready for some insanely crazy nights, beer laughs and drunken revelries.
5. Get another girl
People will immediately tell you after a break up how you can do so much better. And guess what, they are saying the truth. You need to realize that now is the time to go all out, meet interesting people, do awesome things and even score a girl who is ten times hotter than your previous girlfriend. All you need to do is have belief in yourself.
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Read more in MENSXP

35 signs he’s NOT boyfriend material

by Ashley McDonald

You’re constantly apologizing for his tool behavior.

So you’ve been having a little fun with a guy who’s totally a potential relationship prospect. No doubt about it.
…Right?
Well, if you’re being perfectly honest with yourself, maybe you do question your go-to hook-up’s boyfriend abilities. Here are 35 signs he’ll only make for a great friend with benefits.
1. You’ve never seen him outside of his bedroom.
2. He doesn’t hang out with you before 10 p.m.
3. Dates? What dates?
4. You’ve watched at least 25 movies with him.
5. And by “watched,” we mean you glanced up at the screen every once in a while.
6. He only compliments your bod.
7. After hanging out with him, your eyes hurt from the brightness of daylight.
8. The walk of shame is practically your go-to strut.
9. He has posters of women in bikinis all over his room.
10. There are a bunch of initials carved into his bedframe (um…).
11. You’ve never met his friends.
12. You don’t know what his major is.
13. He has no clue what you’re into, either.
14. The only cute texts he sends you are winky-face emojis.
15. You can’t talk to him about your problems.
16. You found a boatload of selfies on his phone.
17. He has a playlist called, “I’d Tap That – Sexy Time Music.”
18. Whenever you hint at a relationship, he turns pale.
19. You don’t think your mom or dad would approve of him.
20. His partying is totally out of hand.
21. He tells you how awesome you are… in bed.
22. He celebrated your birthday by wishing you a good one on Facebook.
23. He’ll blow you off for video games any day.
24. He hides his phone whenever he’s texting someone.
25. You choose not to question his personal life, because you’re not sure you want to know.
26. He doesn’t cuddle.
27. You’re constantly apologizing for his tool behavior.
28. Your friends think you should stay away from him.
29. You get kind of (okay, totally) nervous whenever he goes to a club.
30. You feel the need to look perfect whenever you’re with him.
31. You have yet to find his sweet, sensitive side (maybe it’s hiding somewhere? Took a vacation?).
32. He completely ditches you whenever you’re on your period.
33. He wears tight muscle tees like we wear bras.
34. You found a hair clip in his bed that’s totally not yours.
35. He keeps a stash of condoms on his nightstand at all times.
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Read more in Her Campus

35 signs he’s NOT boyfriend material

by Ashley McDonald

You’re constantly apologizing for his tool behavior.

So you’ve been having a little fun with a guy who’s totally a potential relationship prospect. No doubt about it.
…Right?
Well, if you’re being perfectly honest with yourself, maybe you do question your go-to hook-up’s boyfriend abilities. Here are 35 signs he’ll only make for a great friend with benefits.
1. You’ve never seen him outside of his bedroom.
2. He doesn’t hang out with you before 10 p.m.
3. Dates? What dates?
4. You’ve watched at least 25 movies with him.
5. And by “watched,” we mean you glanced up at the screen every once in a while.
6. He only compliments your bod.
7. After hanging out with him, your eyes hurt from the brightness of daylight.
8. The walk of shame is practically your go-to strut.
9. He has posters of women in bikinis all over his room.
10. There are a bunch of initials carved into his bedframe (um…).
11. You’ve never met his friends.
12. You don’t know what his major is.
13. He has no clue what you’re into, either.
14. The only cute texts he sends you are winky-face emojis.
15. You can’t talk to him about your problems.
16. You found a boatload of selfies on his phone.
17. He has a playlist called, “I’d Tap That – Sexy Time Music.”
18. Whenever you hint at a relationship, he turns pale.
19. You don’t think your mom or dad would approve of him.
20. His partying is totally out of hand.
21. He tells you how awesome you are… in bed.
22. He celebrated your birthday by wishing you a good one on Facebook.
23. He’ll blow you off for video games any day.
24. He hides his phone whenever he’s texting someone.
25. You choose not to question his personal life, because you’re not sure you want to know.
26. He doesn’t cuddle.
27. You’re constantly apologizing for his tool behavior.
28. Your friends think you should stay away from him.
29. You get kind of (okay, totally) nervous whenever he goes to a club.
30. You feel the need to look perfect whenever you’re with him.
31. You have yet to find his sweet, sensitive side (maybe it’s hiding somewhere? Took a vacation?).
32. He completely ditches you whenever you’re on your period.
33. He wears tight muscle tees like we wear bras.
34. You found a hair clip in his bed that’s totally not yours.
35. He keeps a stash of condoms on his nightstand at all times.
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Read more in Her Campus

Photos: Comedian Dan D' Humurous weds radio presenter girlfriend

Comedian Daniel Chibuzor Nnwoka popularly known as Dan D’ Humorous married his Radio/TV Journalist girlfriend, Milliscent Adanma Maduagwu yesterday Saturday April 26th in Surulere, Lagos. Milliscent is a presenter with NigeriaInfo in Port Harcourt. Congrats to the couple. See more photos after the cut...

Photos: Comedian Dan D' Humurous weds radio presenter girlfriend

Comedian Daniel Chibuzor Nnwoka popularly known as Dan D’ Humorous married his Radio/TV Journalist girlfriend, Milliscent Adanma Maduagwu yesterday Saturday April 26th in Surulere, Lagos. Milliscent is a presenter with NigeriaInfo in Port Harcourt. Congrats to the couple. See more photos after the cut...

Iyanya shows football skills at Lagos Traders Cup opening ceremony

The 2014 Lagos Traders Cup kicked off over the weekend with a glamorous opening ceremony and 8 matches at Campos Square in Lagos. The competition, powered by leading telecoms provider  MTN features competing teams made up of traders drawn from the major markets across Lagos who turned out in large numbers with colorful fans and supporters in tow. 

MTN ambassador and superstar musician thrilled fans with an appearance at the opening ceremony, surprising onlookers with a few football tricks of his own which draw loud applause. Continue...

The opening ceremony was attended by dignitaries including Tsola Barrow Acting CEO, MTN, Fehintola Mustapha, MTN GM, Deji Tinubu, NFF member ,Sola Aiyepeku, CEO SNT Selsports and Seyi Akinwunmi, Chairman, Lagos State FA

In some of the games played on a day of heavy downpour, Ilasamaja 4 defeated Dosunmu 1-0 while Oluwole played 1-1 with St Peters. Idi Araba defeated EDAN FC 2-0 amongst other results.

The winners of the Traders Cup, powered by MTN will be rewarded with an all expense paid trip to Brazil in June. One lucky fan will also win a trip to Brazil while prizes like ipods, phones and recharge cards can also be won through raffle draws held on every match day. The competition holds every Sunday from 20th April, Saturday April 26^th, Sunday May 4^th and the closing ceremony holds May 11th.

 

These are the results of games played last weekend.
Ilasamaja VI v Dosumu (0-1)
Ilasamaja II v Oroyinyin (1-2)
Ilasamaja IV v Oko Awo (0-1)
St. Peters 1 v Ojuelegba 1 (1-1)

Idi Araba 1 v EDAN FC (2-0)
Daleko II v Oroyinyin II (0-2)
Daleko 1 v Lawanson II (1-0)
Oluwole v St Peters II (1-1)

 

Games for this weekend kick off at noon on Saturday 26th April