How to Be a Better Person

Life is a constant exercise in self-improvement. And while some of that focus lands squarely on becoming more educated or rising in the ranks of the workplace, sometimes we forget to improve how we treat ourselves and those around us. In the rush to achieve, the idea of being "better" can become lost to ambition and selfishness. The journey to improving your soul and your compassion toward yourself and others begins here.

Part 1 of 3: Getting Started

1. 
   1
   Become more self-aware. The first step toward becoming a better person is learning to notice your current behavior, whether it is how you react to stress, how you cope with loss, how you manage your anger, or how you treat the people you love. The only way to make an improvement in any of these departments is to first take note of your current behavior, then reflect on how it can be improved, and finally, make the necessary changes. Remember that the change cannot happen until you know what is wrong in the first place.
   Ad
2. 
   2
   Set goals for yourself. If it helps, write them down on a piece of paper, or better yet, start a journal. This will open up your introspective side, and allow you to better understand yourself from an objective standpoint.
   • Here are some questions to get you started: Is there a particular relationship with a loved one that you would like to improve? Would you like to become more philanthropic? Do you want to do more for the environment? Do you want to learn how to be a better spouse or partner?
3. 
   3
   Find a role model. Role models are a great source of inspiration, and their stories can make us feel strong when times get tough.
   • Your role model might be your favorite singer, artist, politician, television personality, philosopher, religious figure, and so on. Your role model may be from thousands of years ago, or someone from now.
   • Once you have found a role model, read one of his or her books or biographies. Learning about this person's educational background, family life, and personal struggles will prepare you for the road ahead.
   • Choose somebody whose story you can relate to, like a rags-to-riches entrepreneur, a great author or a person who sailed around the world solo. Find experiences others have had that resonate with your hopes and dreams.

Part 2 of 3: Exercising Compassion

1. 
   1
   Learn to love yourself. Before you can learn to love others, you will have to learn to love yourself. This isn't the sort of vain, self-absorbed love; it's the love that accepts you for the person you are, that delves deep to unearth the skills and values that truly make up who you are and embraces these. Even if you don't believe in the value of self-love, start telling yourself that you are a kind, compassionate person and most of all, that you're worthy. Coupled with virtuous and kind actions, this will help you to be more self-accepting and understanding.
   • Learn to stop criticizing yourself. Take time to appreciate your talents and best features, whether they are physical or internal. The more hostile you are toward yourself, the more hostile you are likely to be toward others.
     
2. 
   2
   Learn to control anger and jealousy. These emotions are a natural part of life, but if you constantly feel angry or jealous toward others, you are going to have a difficult time finding happiness.
   • Rather than constantly comparing yourself to people who you think are better off than you, take some time to acknowledge the fact that there are countless people in the world who are worse off than you. What's more, there are people out there who have less than you, but who are even more appreciative!
     
   • To let go of anger, forgive the people who have wronged you in the past. Holding anger and resentment toward someone else punishes you, not the other person. It's a fairly sobering thought to realize that you haven't moved on while they have. Give yourself the gift that frees your heart by forgiving.
     
   • It might help to talk to the person you are angry with, let them know what they did wrong, and tell them that you forgive them. If you would rather not talk to the person, then write everything down in a letter and keep it to yourself.
     
   • Remember that forgiveness is not absolution. The bad thing still happened; what you're doing is lifting the burden that weighs you down and lets you heal.
     
3. 
   3
   Practice empathy. This is about standing in the other person's shoes and realizing what place this person is coming from (pain, fear, loss, etc.). Remember that everybody has his or her own struggles and insecurities; understanding this will help you be more sensitive toward other peoples' feelings, learn to bond with others, and feel less isolated. And practicing empathy will help you to treat others as you would like to be treated.
   • This skill will come in handy when trying to improve your personal relationships with friends, family members, and lovers.
     
4. 
   4
   Show people that you care. Did you know that some people are actually too shy to be nice? Don't be afraid to tell somebody that you love them or care deeply for them.
   • Do this genuinely. Don't tell people what they want to hear just to make them happy, or to get something in return. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to communicating with loved ones.
     
5. 
   5
   Be appreciative. Stop spending a lot of your time obsessing over the things you wish you had. Instead, count and appreciate the things you do have. You might be surprised if you actually focus on what is already good and helpful in your life. Chasing dreams can sometimes lose you the sight of what's already before you.
   • Try to look beyond material objects; consider the people and events in your life that have been most rewarding.
     
   • Practice gratitude. Those who do feel grateful tend to experience less stress, feel more optimistic and have more energy.^[1]
     
6. 
   6
   Give to others. Not everybody can afford to donate thousands of dollars to their favorite charity, but that doesn't mean you can't make small contributions to help those in need.
   • Volunteer. Instead of spending your weekends in front of the TV, volunteer at your local homeless shelter or SPCA.
     
   • Practice random acts of kindness every day. This could be as small an act as helping an elderly person carry groceries to their car, or giving somebody the right of way when driving. The more you do this, the more you will realize how gratifying it feels to help others, which will ultimately help you overcome selfishness.
     

Part 3 of 3: Choosing the Right Path

1. 
   1
   Explore your talents. Everybody has a skill or interest that they excel in and genuinely enjoy. If you don't think you have a talent, you probably just haven't found it yet.
   • Be patient, but not lazy. You can't be good at everything, so don't give up just because you have failed once or twice. Instead, be proactive and try new things until you find something you love and are good at.
     
   • Enroll in a class you're interested in, or pick up a new instrument or sport. Choose things that sound appealing to you; this way you are more likely to stick with it.
     
2. 
   2
   Do what you love. No matter how much money you make, you will not be happy if you spend your entire life doing something you hate. While not all of us are lucky enough to make a career out of our favorite hobby, it's important to at least devote your weekends or evenings to doing what you enjoy.
   • If you are chronically unhappy with your job, take some time to seriously consider changing your career.
     
   • Devote your free time to your favorite hobby or sport. While it might be tempting to spend this time in front of the television or computer screen, it's important to do the things you love if you want to have a fulfilling life.
     
3. 
   3
   Practice self-control. Life must be a balance between work and play. If you constantly indulge in pleasures like partying or eating sweets, you will eventually become bored with life and nothing will satisfy you. Instead, indulge in these things periodically so that you will truly appreciate them.
4. 
   4
   Thank people who help you along the way. Not only is it courteous to thank others, it will help you become more appreciative and to learn see the capacity for good in other people.

How to Be a Better Person

Life is a constant exercise in self-improvement. And while some of that focus lands squarely on becoming more educated or rising in the ranks of the workplace, sometimes we forget to improve how we treat ourselves and those around us. In the rush to achieve, the idea of being "better" can become lost to ambition and selfishness. The journey to improving your soul and your compassion toward yourself and others begins here.

Part 1 of 3: Getting Started

1. 
   1
   Become more self-aware. The first step toward becoming a better person is learning to notice your current behavior, whether it is how you react to stress, how you cope with loss, how you manage your anger, or how you treat the people you love. The only way to make an improvement in any of these departments is to first take note of your current behavior, then reflect on how it can be improved, and finally, make the necessary changes. Remember that the change cannot happen until you know what is wrong in the first place.
   Ad
2. 
   2
   Set goals for yourself. If it helps, write them down on a piece of paper, or better yet, start a journal. This will open up your introspective side, and allow you to better understand yourself from an objective standpoint.
   • Here are some questions to get you started: Is there a particular relationship with a loved one that you would like to improve? Would you like to become more philanthropic? Do you want to do more for the environment? Do you want to learn how to be a better spouse or partner?
3. 
   3
   Find a role model. Role models are a great source of inspiration, and their stories can make us feel strong when times get tough.
   • Your role model might be your favorite singer, artist, politician, television personality, philosopher, religious figure, and so on. Your role model may be from thousands of years ago, or someone from now.
   • Once you have found a role model, read one of his or her books or biographies. Learning about this person's educational background, family life, and personal struggles will prepare you for the road ahead.
   • Choose somebody whose story you can relate to, like a rags-to-riches entrepreneur, a great author or a person who sailed around the world solo. Find experiences others have had that resonate with your hopes and dreams.

Part 2 of 3: Exercising Compassion

1. 
   1
   Learn to love yourself. Before you can learn to love others, you will have to learn to love yourself. This isn't the sort of vain, self-absorbed love; it's the love that accepts you for the person you are, that delves deep to unearth the skills and values that truly make up who you are and embraces these. Even if you don't believe in the value of self-love, start telling yourself that you are a kind, compassionate person and most of all, that you're worthy. Coupled with virtuous and kind actions, this will help you to be more self-accepting and understanding.
   • Learn to stop criticizing yourself. Take time to appreciate your talents and best features, whether they are physical or internal. The more hostile you are toward yourself, the more hostile you are likely to be toward others.
     
2. 
   2
   Learn to control anger and jealousy. These emotions are a natural part of life, but if you constantly feel angry or jealous toward others, you are going to have a difficult time finding happiness.
   • Rather than constantly comparing yourself to people who you think are better off than you, take some time to acknowledge the fact that there are countless people in the world who are worse off than you. What's more, there are people out there who have less than you, but who are even more appreciative!
     
   • To let go of anger, forgive the people who have wronged you in the past. Holding anger and resentment toward someone else punishes you, not the other person. It's a fairly sobering thought to realize that you haven't moved on while they have. Give yourself the gift that frees your heart by forgiving.
     
   • It might help to talk to the person you are angry with, let them know what they did wrong, and tell them that you forgive them. If you would rather not talk to the person, then write everything down in a letter and keep it to yourself.
     
   • Remember that forgiveness is not absolution. The bad thing still happened; what you're doing is lifting the burden that weighs you down and lets you heal.
     
3. 
   3
   Practice empathy. This is about standing in the other person's shoes and realizing what place this person is coming from (pain, fear, loss, etc.). Remember that everybody has his or her own struggles and insecurities; understanding this will help you be more sensitive toward other peoples' feelings, learn to bond with others, and feel less isolated. And practicing empathy will help you to treat others as you would like to be treated.
   • This skill will come in handy when trying to improve your personal relationships with friends, family members, and lovers.
     
4. 
   4
   Show people that you care. Did you know that some people are actually too shy to be nice? Don't be afraid to tell somebody that you love them or care deeply for them.
   • Do this genuinely. Don't tell people what they want to hear just to make them happy, or to get something in return. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to communicating with loved ones.
     
5. 
   5
   Be appreciative. Stop spending a lot of your time obsessing over the things you wish you had. Instead, count and appreciate the things you do have. You might be surprised if you actually focus on what is already good and helpful in your life. Chasing dreams can sometimes lose you the sight of what's already before you.
   • Try to look beyond material objects; consider the people and events in your life that have been most rewarding.
     
   • Practice gratitude. Those who do feel grateful tend to experience less stress, feel more optimistic and have more energy.^[1]
     
6. 
   6
   Give to others. Not everybody can afford to donate thousands of dollars to their favorite charity, but that doesn't mean you can't make small contributions to help those in need.
   • Volunteer. Instead of spending your weekends in front of the TV, volunteer at your local homeless shelter or SPCA.
     
   • Practice random acts of kindness every day. This could be as small an act as helping an elderly person carry groceries to their car, or giving somebody the right of way when driving. The more you do this, the more you will realize how gratifying it feels to help others, which will ultimately help you overcome selfishness.
     

Part 3 of 3: Choosing the Right Path

1. 
   1
   Explore your talents. Everybody has a skill or interest that they excel in and genuinely enjoy. If you don't think you have a talent, you probably just haven't found it yet.
   • Be patient, but not lazy. You can't be good at everything, so don't give up just because you have failed once or twice. Instead, be proactive and try new things until you find something you love and are good at.
     
   • Enroll in a class you're interested in, or pick up a new instrument or sport. Choose things that sound appealing to you; this way you are more likely to stick with it.
     
2. 
   2
   Do what you love. No matter how much money you make, you will not be happy if you spend your entire life doing something you hate. While not all of us are lucky enough to make a career out of our favorite hobby, it's important to at least devote your weekends or evenings to doing what you enjoy.
   • If you are chronically unhappy with your job, take some time to seriously consider changing your career.
     
   • Devote your free time to your favorite hobby or sport. While it might be tempting to spend this time in front of the television or computer screen, it's important to do the things you love if you want to have a fulfilling life.
     
3. 
   3
   Practice self-control. Life must be a balance between work and play. If you constantly indulge in pleasures like partying or eating sweets, you will eventually become bored with life and nothing will satisfy you. Instead, indulge in these things periodically so that you will truly appreciate them.
4. 
   4
   Thank people who help you along the way. Not only is it courteous to thank others, it will help you become more appreciative and to learn see the capacity for good in other people.

Genevieve Nnaji And Mikel Obi Signed As Amstel Malta Ambassadors

The lid has now been blown off the leaked photos of Genevieve Nnaji and Mikel Obi and their upcoming movie project titled, The Journey.  

Following the premiere at the AMVCAs last saturday, of a new Amstel Malta TVC featuring both Nigerian superstars, Genevieve has now confirmed she's been made an ambassador for the low sugar malt drink.

Sources say the deal was sealed earlier this year, with the initial campaign themed around inspirational journey to success stories. 

The TVC, which was aired during the star-studded AMVCAs, highlights the individual career journeys of both stars, ending at a point of triumph. 

No word yet on how much they were paid or how long the deal will last for. 

Mikel was not present at the awards but Genevieve, who presented an award with OC Ukeje, spoke with Amstel Malta red carpet host Vixen on her own journey to success and how she hopes this project will help young Nigerians make the best of their own journeys. 

“It's been a fantastic night and I'm delighted with Amstel Malta's efforts in celebrating our own with the world”. 

“I am very excited about the opportunity this platform gives me to inspire the youths and will definitely do my best to support this noble cause.” she concluded. 

To view the new TV Commercial, kindly follow this link:  

Amstel Malta – The Journey ft. Genevieve Nnaji http://youtu.be/AfOlKQrQrys

Amstel Malta – The Journey ft. John Mikel Obi  http://youtu.be/JQWOB3V7bBc

Amstel Malta – The Journey(Full clip) http://youtu.be/0KNjk3xnkTU

Genevieve Nnaji And Mikel Obi Signed As Amstel Malta Ambassadors

The lid has now been blown off the leaked photos of Genevieve Nnaji and Mikel Obi and their upcoming movie project titled, The Journey.  

Following the premiere at the AMVCAs last saturday, of a new Amstel Malta TVC featuring both Nigerian superstars, Genevieve has now confirmed she's been made an ambassador for the low sugar malt drink.

Sources say the deal was sealed earlier this year, with the initial campaign themed around inspirational journey to success stories. 

The TVC, which was aired during the star-studded AMVCAs, highlights the individual career journeys of both stars, ending at a point of triumph. 

No word yet on how much they were paid or how long the deal will last for. 

Mikel was not present at the awards but Genevieve, who presented an award with OC Ukeje, spoke with Amstel Malta red carpet host Vixen on her own journey to success and how she hopes this project will help young Nigerians make the best of their own journeys. 

“It's been a fantastic night and I'm delighted with Amstel Malta's efforts in celebrating our own with the world”. 

“I am very excited about the opportunity this platform gives me to inspire the youths and will definitely do my best to support this noble cause.” she concluded. 

To view the new TV Commercial, kindly follow this link:  

Amstel Malta – The Journey ft. Genevieve Nnaji http://youtu.be/AfOlKQrQrys

Amstel Malta – The Journey ft. John Mikel Obi  http://youtu.be/JQWOB3V7bBc

Amstel Malta – The Journey(Full clip) http://youtu.be/0KNjk3xnkTU

Right foods for new mom (2)

Eggs: Eggs are a versatile way to meet your daily protein needs. Whether scrambled, hard-boiled omelet or fried, the nutrition is real.

Whole-wheat bread: Folic acid is crucial to your baby’s development in the early stages of pregnancy. But its importance doesn’t end there. Folic acid is an important nutrient in your breast milk that your baby needs for good health, and it’s crucial you eat enough for your own well-being, too. Enriched whole-grain breads and pastas are fortified with it, and also give you a healthy dose of fibre and iron.

Leafy greens: Leafy green veggies like spinach, broccoli, water leaf, etc., are filled with vitamin A, which is good for you and your baby. The benefits don’t stop there. They’re a good non-dairy source of calcium and contain vitamin C and iron. Green veggies are also filled with heart-healthy antioxidants and are low in calories.

Whole-grain cereal: After yet another sleepless night, one of the best foods to boost energy for new moms in the morning is a healthy breakfast of whole-grain cereal such as oats.

Water: Breastfeeding moms are especially at risk for energy-draining dehydration. To keep your energy levels and milk production up, make sure you stay well-hydrated. You can vary your options and meet some of your fluid requirements by drinking juice and milk. Stay off caffeinated drinks like coffee or tea. Have no more than 2-3 cups a day, or switch to decaf. Caffeine enters your breast milk and can cause your baby to become irritable and sleep poorly.

Source: webmd.com

By Yetunde Arebi
Infidelity in relationships is an age long social vice; otherwise, God would not have included covetousness in the Ten Commandments. The adrenalin pumping excitement and power derived from this act of betrayal, oftentimes, crumbles into shame and pain when their hitherto partners discover their secrets. For the betrayed, their reaction will depend a lot on their general state of health and mind. While some partners are able to forgive, work things out and revamp their relationships, some others may resign to fate and move on to other relationships. However, there are some who may not be able to do either of the two, believing that their hearts can not be mended unless they take their pound of flesh in their own way. The story you are about to read happened over 30 years ago in one of the Ijebu towns in Ogun State. An extra marital affair between two people left a trail of death, pain, anguish and bad memories too deep to shake up. Rafiu, (52), narrates the story of how his family’s fortune and fate took a dramatic turn when his father fell in love with another man’s wife. He says though infidelity is now so high in the society, it appears people are now more tolerant of the shameful act. His story begins below. Happy reading!
THERE was nothing anyone could do about it. The family was polygamous. In fact, prior to his meeting this woman, we used to marvel at our father’s lack of interest in taking another wife.
However, no one expected him to pick such a woman. My parents were not even literate. They were petty traders and were just lucky to be able to make ends meet. So, what could he possibly want with this kind of woman, or what would the woman want with my father?
Anyway, this woman was brought in and everything changed immediately. She was given preferential treatment at everything. They attended parties together and my father lavished her with gifts and attention.He was love struck and remained in this hazy condition until he died suddenly three months after. He had returned from the market one evening and complained of a fever and headache.
Local herbal medications were prepared and administered but rather than relief, the fever got worse and he died in the early hours of the morning. He was buried according to Islamic rites amidst wailing, crying and swearing.
After all the ceremonies had been completed and the mourning period for his wives fulfilled, a meeting was called to determine what would become of his estate. These included the wives and property. Initially, the woman declined to remarry in the family saying that since she did not have a child for my father, she could still find someone of her choice elsewhere.
My mother on the other hand agreed to the family proposal and she was given to one of my father’s cousins in marriage. However, about three weeks after she turned down the proposal, this woman announced that she had changed her mind and was ready to remain in the family. We later learnt that it was my aunt that was behind the change of plans. The reason being that the house my father left behind will be managed by the men who marry the wives. It was now clear that the woman had married my father because he owned a house while her husband did not.
If she could not have a child for my father, she could still do so with whoever they give her to and still have a claim in my father’s property.
However, no sooner had this woman declared her intentions to the family, trouble broke out.
My father’s cousin who had earlier expressed desire to marry my mother made a U-turn instantly and told everyone he now wanted the woman. Two other members of the family were also interested in this woman and it became a keenly contested battle.
At the end, it was decided that my father’s cousin being the eldest of the three men should have the woman while the next to him should have my mother. This was the way that fate played its part in the lives of these men.
Not quite four months after, my father’s cousin too passed away mysteriously. He had gone to the farm and did not return home one night.

A search party went after him the next day and they discovered him lying under a tree. It was unexplainable as there had been  rain storm or wind strong enough to cause a tree to fall. So, how had it happened? No one could tell.
He had lost so much blood and only God knows what else had happened to him lying there all alone by himself. He died a few days after, leaving behind six children and two wives.
The younger of the wives who was my step-mother still did not have a child for him. The man was promptly buried, the rites performed and the mourning period observed.
On the day of the family meeting to decide their fate, my step-mother willingly allowed herself to be signed off to any interested member of the family. Her reasoning being that she was so devastated and sad over what had happened and therefore ready to abide by whatever the family decided.
She would not own up to the fact that having lost two husbands in quick succession, the community would soon start suspecting her of being responsible.
However, the greedy lustful men contested again and she was promptly taken over by another cousin of my father’s. He was a younger man, closer to her age and everyone was optimistic that finally, they could settle down to a good life and bear children together.
Unfortunately, this was not to be again as the man went out to sea one day and never returned. Their boat had capsized at sea and though he was a very good swimmer, he alone did not make it back to shore.
The loss was too much to bear and it was decided that this time around, they will investigate the cause of these deaths.
The oracles were consulted and it was disclosed that the woman’s husband was responsible for all the deaths. He had been very bitter about the way my father had snatched his wife, even after he had forced himself to go and plead with him to leave her alone if only for the sake of his children.
In his rage, he employed the efficacy of some juju to avenge the wrong done to him. He had been assured that the woman would return to him after my father’s death. However, to his greatest shock another member of the family took her over. Thus, he placed a curse on her that any member of our family who sleeps with her must die.
He was not angry with his wayward wife but with our men for not being able to resist her.
The woman was finally allowed to leave after causing the death of three, able bodied men from one family. Such is the end result of greed, lack of contentment and self control, on the part of all involved.
This woman left our town for some other place after this and did not return for a very long time. Incidentally, she also did not return to her husband and children. Her husband did not have a successful married life too. No woman in town wanted to marry him after what he’d allegedly done to our family.
He got married twice to some strangers but they each left him after a few years and even went away with the children they had for him. He died of mysterious circumstances a couple of years ago too.  I believe that this incident left unforgettable memories in my mind as much as it did for a lot of young men in my family. For me, no matter how beautiful or irresistible the lady is, once she is married, she becomes taboo for me. I marvel when I see young men run after married woman. It’s like playing with fire.
Even if you are not caught, your conscience should judge you if you are doing the right thing.
- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/apology-not-accepted/#sthash.N9ir4AiH.dpuf

By Yetunde Arebi
Infidelity in relationships is an age long social vice; otherwise, God would not have included covetousness in the Ten Commandments. The adrenalin pumping excitement and power derived from this act of betrayal, oftentimes, crumbles into shame and pain when their hitherto partners discover their secrets. For the betrayed, their reaction will depend a lot on their general state of health and mind. While some partners are able to forgive, work things out and revamp their relationships, some others may resign to fate and move on to other relationships. However, there are some who may not be able to do either of the two, believing that their hearts can not be mended unless they take their pound of flesh in their own way. The story you are about to read happened over 30 years ago in one of the Ijebu towns in Ogun State. An extra marital affair between two people left a trail of death, pain, anguish and bad memories too deep to shake up. Rafiu, (52), narrates the story of how his family’s fortune and fate took a dramatic turn when his father fell in love with another man’s wife. He says though infidelity is now so high in the society, it appears people are now more tolerant of the shameful act. His story begins below. Happy reading!
THERE was nothing anyone could do about it. The family was polygamous. In fact, prior to his meeting this woman, we used to marvel at our father’s lack of interest in taking another wife.
However, no one expected him to pick such a woman. My parents were not even literate. They were petty traders and were just lucky to be able to make ends meet. So, what could he possibly want with this kind of woman, or what would the woman want with my father?
Anyway, this woman was brought in and everything changed immediately. She was given preferential treatment at everything. They attended parties together and my father lavished her with gifts and attention.He was love struck and remained in this hazy condition until he died suddenly three months after. He had returned from the market one evening and complained of a fever and headache.
Local herbal medications were prepared and administered but rather than relief, the fever got worse and he died in the early hours of the morning. He was buried according to Islamic rites amidst wailing, crying and swearing.
After all the ceremonies had been completed and the mourning period for his wives fulfilled, a meeting was called to determine what would become of his estate. These included the wives and property. Initially, the woman declined to remarry in the family saying that since she did not have a child for my father, she could still find someone of her choice elsewhere.
My mother on the other hand agreed to the family proposal and she was given to one of my father’s cousins in marriage. However, about three weeks after she turned down the proposal, this woman announced that she had changed her mind and was ready to remain in the family. We later learnt that it was my aunt that was behind the change of plans. The reason being that the house my father left behind will be managed by the men who marry the wives. It was now clear that the woman had married my father because he owned a house while her husband did not.
If she could not have a child for my father, she could still do so with whoever they give her to and still have a claim in my father’s property.
However, no sooner had this woman declared her intentions to the family, trouble broke out.
My father’s cousin who had earlier expressed desire to marry my mother made a U-turn instantly and told everyone he now wanted the woman. Two other members of the family were also interested in this woman and it became a keenly contested battle.
At the end, it was decided that my father’s cousin being the eldest of the three men should have the woman while the next to him should have my mother. This was the way that fate played its part in the lives of these men.
Not quite four months after, my father’s cousin too passed away mysteriously. He had gone to the farm and did not return home one night.

A search party went after him the next day and they discovered him lying under a tree. It was unexplainable as there had been  rain storm or wind strong enough to cause a tree to fall. So, how had it happened? No one could tell.
He had lost so much blood and only God knows what else had happened to him lying there all alone by himself. He died a few days after, leaving behind six children and two wives.
The younger of the wives who was my step-mother still did not have a child for him. The man was promptly buried, the rites performed and the mourning period observed.
On the day of the family meeting to decide their fate, my step-mother willingly allowed herself to be signed off to any interested member of the family. Her reasoning being that she was so devastated and sad over what had happened and therefore ready to abide by whatever the family decided.
She would not own up to the fact that having lost two husbands in quick succession, the community would soon start suspecting her of being responsible.
However, the greedy lustful men contested again and she was promptly taken over by another cousin of my father’s. He was a younger man, closer to her age and everyone was optimistic that finally, they could settle down to a good life and bear children together.
Unfortunately, this was not to be again as the man went out to sea one day and never returned. Their boat had capsized at sea and though he was a very good swimmer, he alone did not make it back to shore.
The loss was too much to bear and it was decided that this time around, they will investigate the cause of these deaths.
The oracles were consulted and it was disclosed that the woman’s husband was responsible for all the deaths. He had been very bitter about the way my father had snatched his wife, even after he had forced himself to go and plead with him to leave her alone if only for the sake of his children.
In his rage, he employed the efficacy of some juju to avenge the wrong done to him. He had been assured that the woman would return to him after my father’s death. However, to his greatest shock another member of the family took her over. Thus, he placed a curse on her that any member of our family who sleeps with her must die.
He was not angry with his wayward wife but with our men for not being able to resist her.
The woman was finally allowed to leave after causing the death of three, able bodied men from one family. Such is the end result of greed, lack of contentment and self control, on the part of all involved.
This woman left our town for some other place after this and did not return for a very long time. Incidentally, she also did not return to her husband and children. Her husband did not have a successful married life too. No woman in town wanted to marry him after what he’d allegedly done to our family.
He got married twice to some strangers but they each left him after a few years and even went away with the children they had for him. He died of mysterious circumstances a couple of years ago too.  I believe that this incident left unforgettable memories in my mind as much as it did for a lot of young men in my family. For me, no matter how beautiful or irresistible the lady is, once she is married, she becomes taboo for me. I marvel when I see young men run after married woman. It’s like playing with fire.
Even if you are not caught, your conscience should judge you if you are doing the right thing.
- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/apology-not-accepted/#sthash.N9ir4AiH.dpuf

Right foods for new mom (2)

Eggs: Eggs are a versatile way to meet your daily protein needs. Whether scrambled, hard-boiled omelet or fried, the nutrition is real.

Whole-wheat bread: Folic acid is crucial to your baby’s development in the early stages of pregnancy. But its importance doesn’t end there. Folic acid is an important nutrient in your breast milk that your baby needs for good health, and it’s crucial you eat enough for your own well-being, too. Enriched whole-grain breads and pastas are fortified with it, and also give you a healthy dose of fibre and iron.

Leafy greens: Leafy green veggies like spinach, broccoli, water leaf, etc., are filled with vitamin A, which is good for you and your baby. The benefits don’t stop there. They’re a good non-dairy source of calcium and contain vitamin C and iron. Green veggies are also filled with heart-healthy antioxidants and are low in calories.

Whole-grain cereal: After yet another sleepless night, one of the best foods to boost energy for new moms in the morning is a healthy breakfast of whole-grain cereal such as oats.

Water: Breastfeeding moms are especially at risk for energy-draining dehydration. To keep your energy levels and milk production up, make sure you stay well-hydrated. You can vary your options and meet some of your fluid requirements by drinking juice and milk. Stay off caffeinated drinks like coffee or tea. Have no more than 2-3 cups a day, or switch to decaf. Caffeine enters your breast milk and can cause your baby to become irritable and sleep poorly.

Source: webmd.com

By Yetunde Arebi
Infidelity in relationships is an age long social vice; otherwise, God would not have included covetousness in the Ten Commandments. The adrenalin pumping excitement and power derived from this act of betrayal, oftentimes, crumbles into shame and pain when their hitherto partners discover their secrets. For the betrayed, their reaction will depend a lot on their general state of health and mind. While some partners are able to forgive, work things out and revamp their relationships, some others may resign to fate and move on to other relationships. However, there are some who may not be able to do either of the two, believing that their hearts can not be mended unless they take their pound of flesh in their own way. The story you are about to read happened over 30 years ago in one of the Ijebu towns in Ogun State. An extra marital affair between two people left a trail of death, pain, anguish and bad memories too deep to shake up. Rafiu, (52), narrates the story of how his family’s fortune and fate took a dramatic turn when his father fell in love with another man’s wife. He says though infidelity is now so high in the society, it appears people are now more tolerant of the shameful act. His story begins below. Happy reading!
THERE was nothing anyone could do about it. The family was polygamous. In fact, prior to his meeting this woman, we used to marvel at our father’s lack of interest in taking another wife.
However, no one expected him to pick such a woman. My parents were not even literate. They were petty traders and were just lucky to be able to make ends meet. So, what could he possibly want with this kind of woman, or what would the woman want with my father?
Anyway, this woman was brought in and everything changed immediately. She was given preferential treatment at everything. They attended parties together and my father lavished her with gifts and attention.He was love struck and remained in this hazy condition until he died suddenly three months after. He had returned from the market one evening and complained of a fever and headache.
Local herbal medications were prepared and administered but rather than relief, the fever got worse and he died in the early hours of the morning. He was buried according to Islamic rites amidst wailing, crying and swearing.
After all the ceremonies had been completed and the mourning period for his wives fulfilled, a meeting was called to determine what would become of his estate. These included the wives and property. Initially, the woman declined to remarry in the family saying that since she did not have a child for my father, she could still find someone of her choice elsewhere.
My mother on the other hand agreed to the family proposal and she was given to one of my father’s cousins in marriage. However, about three weeks after she turned down the proposal, this woman announced that she had changed her mind and was ready to remain in the family. We later learnt that it was my aunt that was behind the change of plans. The reason being that the house my father left behind will be managed by the men who marry the wives. It was now clear that the woman had married my father because he owned a house while her husband did not.
If she could not have a child for my father, she could still do so with whoever they give her to and still have a claim in my father’s property.
However, no sooner had this woman declared her intentions to the family, trouble broke out.
My father’s cousin who had earlier expressed desire to marry my mother made a U-turn instantly and told everyone he now wanted the woman. Two other members of the family were also interested in this woman and it became a keenly contested battle.
At the end, it was decided that my father’s cousin being the eldest of the three men should have the woman while the next to him should have my mother. This was the way that fate played its part in the lives of these men.
Not quite four months after, my father’s cousin too passed away mysteriously. He had gone to the farm and did not return home one night.

A search party went after him the next day and they discovered him lying under a tree. It was unexplainable as there had been  rain storm or wind strong enough to cause a tree to fall. So, how had it happened? No one could tell.
He had lost so much blood and only God knows what else had happened to him lying there all alone by himself. He died a few days after, leaving behind six children and two wives.
The younger of the wives who was my step-mother still did not have a child for him. The man was promptly buried, the rites performed and the mourning period observed.
On the day of the family meeting to decide their fate, my step-mother willingly allowed herself to be signed off to any interested member of the family. Her reasoning being that she was so devastated and sad over what had happened and therefore ready to abide by whatever the family decided.
She would not own up to the fact that having lost two husbands in quick succession, the community would soon start suspecting her of being responsible.
However, the greedy lustful men contested again and she was promptly taken over by another cousin of my father’s. He was a younger man, closer to her age and everyone was optimistic that finally, they could settle down to a good life and bear children together.
Unfortunately, this was not to be again as the man went out to sea one day and never returned. Their boat had capsized at sea and though he was a very good swimmer, he alone did not make it back to shore.
The loss was too much to bear and it was decided that this time around, they will investigate the cause of these deaths.
The oracles were consulted and it was disclosed that the woman’s husband was responsible for all the deaths. He had been very bitter about the way my father had snatched his wife, even after he had forced himself to go and plead with him to leave her alone if only for the sake of his children.
In his rage, he employed the efficacy of some juju to avenge the wrong done to him. He had been assured that the woman would return to him after my father’s death. However, to his greatest shock another member of the family took her over. Thus, he placed a curse on her that any member of our family who sleeps with her must die.
He was not angry with his wayward wife but with our men for not being able to resist her.
The woman was finally allowed to leave after causing the death of three, able bodied men from one family. Such is the end result of greed, lack of contentment and self control, on the part of all involved.
This woman left our town for some other place after this and did not return for a very long time. Incidentally, she also did not return to her husband and children. Her husband did not have a successful married life too. No woman in town wanted to marry him after what he’d allegedly done to our family.
He got married twice to some strangers but they each left him after a few years and even went away with the children they had for him. He died of mysterious circumstances a couple of years ago too.  I believe that this incident left unforgettable memories in my mind as much as it did for a lot of young men in my family. For me, no matter how beautiful or irresistible the lady is, once she is married, she becomes taboo for me. I marvel when I see young men run after married woman. It’s like playing with fire.
Even if you are not caught, your conscience should judge you if you are doing the right thing.
- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/apology-not-accepted/#sthash.N9ir4AiH.dpuf

By Yetunde Arebi
Infidelity in relationships is an age long social vice; otherwise, God would not have included covetousness in the Ten Commandments. The adrenalin pumping excitement and power derived from this act of betrayal, oftentimes, crumbles into shame and pain when their hitherto partners discover their secrets. For the betrayed, their reaction will depend a lot on their general state of health and mind. While some partners are able to forgive, work things out and revamp their relationships, some others may resign to fate and move on to other relationships. However, there are some who may not be able to do either of the two, believing that their hearts can not be mended unless they take their pound of flesh in their own way. The story you are about to read happened over 30 years ago in one of the Ijebu towns in Ogun State. An extra marital affair between two people left a trail of death, pain, anguish and bad memories too deep to shake up. Rafiu, (52), narrates the story of how his family’s fortune and fate took a dramatic turn when his father fell in love with another man’s wife. He says though infidelity is now so high in the society, it appears people are now more tolerant of the shameful act. His story begins below. Happy reading!
THERE was nothing anyone could do about it. The family was polygamous. In fact, prior to his meeting this woman, we used to marvel at our father’s lack of interest in taking another wife.
However, no one expected him to pick such a woman. My parents were not even literate. They were petty traders and were just lucky to be able to make ends meet. So, what could he possibly want with this kind of woman, or what would the woman want with my father?
Anyway, this woman was brought in and everything changed immediately. She was given preferential treatment at everything. They attended parties together and my father lavished her with gifts and attention.He was love struck and remained in this hazy condition until he died suddenly three months after. He had returned from the market one evening and complained of a fever and headache.
Local herbal medications were prepared and administered but rather than relief, the fever got worse and he died in the early hours of the morning. He was buried according to Islamic rites amidst wailing, crying and swearing.
After all the ceremonies had been completed and the mourning period for his wives fulfilled, a meeting was called to determine what would become of his estate. These included the wives and property. Initially, the woman declined to remarry in the family saying that since she did not have a child for my father, she could still find someone of her choice elsewhere.
My mother on the other hand agreed to the family proposal and she was given to one of my father’s cousins in marriage. However, about three weeks after she turned down the proposal, this woman announced that she had changed her mind and was ready to remain in the family. We later learnt that it was my aunt that was behind the change of plans. The reason being that the house my father left behind will be managed by the men who marry the wives. It was now clear that the woman had married my father because he owned a house while her husband did not.
If she could not have a child for my father, she could still do so with whoever they give her to and still have a claim in my father’s property.
However, no sooner had this woman declared her intentions to the family, trouble broke out.
My father’s cousin who had earlier expressed desire to marry my mother made a U-turn instantly and told everyone he now wanted the woman. Two other members of the family were also interested in this woman and it became a keenly contested battle.
At the end, it was decided that my father’s cousin being the eldest of the three men should have the woman while the next to him should have my mother. This was the way that fate played its part in the lives of these men.
Not quite four months after, my father’s cousin too passed away mysteriously. He had gone to the farm and did not return home one night.

A search party went after him the next day and they discovered him lying under a tree. It was unexplainable as there had been  rain storm or wind strong enough to cause a tree to fall. So, how had it happened? No one could tell.
He had lost so much blood and only God knows what else had happened to him lying there all alone by himself. He died a few days after, leaving behind six children and two wives.
The younger of the wives who was my step-mother still did not have a child for him. The man was promptly buried, the rites performed and the mourning period observed.
On the day of the family meeting to decide their fate, my step-mother willingly allowed herself to be signed off to any interested member of the family. Her reasoning being that she was so devastated and sad over what had happened and therefore ready to abide by whatever the family decided.
She would not own up to the fact that having lost two husbands in quick succession, the community would soon start suspecting her of being responsible.
However, the greedy lustful men contested again and she was promptly taken over by another cousin of my father’s. He was a younger man, closer to her age and everyone was optimistic that finally, they could settle down to a good life and bear children together.
Unfortunately, this was not to be again as the man went out to sea one day and never returned. Their boat had capsized at sea and though he was a very good swimmer, he alone did not make it back to shore.
The loss was too much to bear and it was decided that this time around, they will investigate the cause of these deaths.
The oracles were consulted and it was disclosed that the woman’s husband was responsible for all the deaths. He had been very bitter about the way my father had snatched his wife, even after he had forced himself to go and plead with him to leave her alone if only for the sake of his children.
In his rage, he employed the efficacy of some juju to avenge the wrong done to him. He had been assured that the woman would return to him after my father’s death. However, to his greatest shock another member of the family took her over. Thus, he placed a curse on her that any member of our family who sleeps with her must die.
He was not angry with his wayward wife but with our men for not being able to resist her.
The woman was finally allowed to leave after causing the death of three, able bodied men from one family. Such is the end result of greed, lack of contentment and self control, on the part of all involved.
This woman left our town for some other place after this and did not return for a very long time. Incidentally, she also did not return to her husband and children. Her husband did not have a successful married life too. No woman in town wanted to marry him after what he’d allegedly done to our family.
He got married twice to some strangers but they each left him after a few years and even went away with the children they had for him. He died of mysterious circumstances a couple of years ago too.  I believe that this incident left unforgettable memories in my mind as much as it did for a lot of young men in my family. For me, no matter how beautiful or irresistible the lady is, once she is married, she becomes taboo for me. I marvel when I see young men run after married woman. It’s like playing with fire.
Even if you are not caught, your conscience should judge you if you are doing the right thing.
- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/apology-not-accepted/#sthash.N9ir4AiH.dpuf

Mandela’s family ends mourning

Nelson Mandela
| credits: www.telegraph.co.uk

Family of the late South African President Nelson Mandela ended the traditional mourning period for him on Sunday with a cleansing ceremony and burning of their black mourning clothes, the News Agency of Nigeria reports.

Speaking on behalf of the family, Daludumo Mtirara said on Monday that a cleansing ceremony was performed in Qunu, where Mandela was buried and traditional beet and meat served during the ceremony.

He said since Mandela’s death, his wife Graca Machel and ex-wife Winnie Madikizela-Mandela had been wearing black and not been allowed to make public appearances as a sign of mourning.

Mtirara said the clan has formally freed the late icon’s two widows from the mourning period, and they are now free to serve the people of South Africa and the continent without any hindrance.

“These elders must go back and start to serve the communities because this is what Madiba was always telling us,” he said.

“They must also start where Madiba left and continue to make sure that they make value to the people of South Africa.

“They must make sure that we make the people of South Africa proud that this icon has left us with vigilant and strong wives,” he added.

One of the elders added that the mourning period and the end of it have significant role in reaffirming the relationship between the wives and the family of the Dlomo clan.

“We also do confirm and accept our grannies Graca and Winnie that they are still wives of the Dlomo clan not necessarily their late husband,” he said.

“We are here to give them as much support as we can as long as they still remain with us till death do them part,” he added.

Mandela came from the Xhosa tribe and according to its tradition; the mourning period takes 12 months as a sign of respect for the dead.

But in Mandela’s case, it was reportedly agreed to shorten the mourning period to six months.

Mandela, an anti-apartheid icon and South Africa’s first black president, died of a lung disease in Johannesburg on December 5.