joke joke joke

TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!
TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of Defence?
CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!
TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: Enugu!
TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the National Anthem? CHILDREN: D-Banj and Elvis Grey!
TEACHER: Excellent. What do you call people from Moscow? CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!
TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?
CHILDREN: 25!
TEACHER: That's great! You're going to be stupid like this until your government increases my salary!

One word for this teacher...

SSS confirms 21 deaths after failed jailbreak by Boko Haram me

SSS confirms 21 deaths after failed jailbreak by Boko Haram men

Marilyn Ogar, the spokesperson for the Department of State Security Services (SSS) said yesterday that 21 detained terrorists died during the attempted jailbreak at the Service's headquarters in Abuja on Sunday morning.

"Following our earlier releases, it has been established that eighteen (18) casualties were recorded, while two (2) Service personnel sustained serious injuries. Three (3) other detainees who sustained gunshot injuries during the incident have also died.

"Meanwhile, investigation is still ongoing to ascertain the immediate and remote causes.

"We wish to state that the roads leading to the office were cordoned-off to prevent possible assistance from external collaborators. During this period, the precinct of the office and adjoining neighborhoods were thoroughly searched.

"We wish to restate our commitment to the safety of the people and the Nigerian nation at large.” Marilyn Ogar said in a further statement released yesterday

Dear men; would you rock actor IK Ogbonna's shredded jeans?

Dear men; would you rock actor IK Ogbonna's shredded jeans?

Is this a fashion Yes Yes or a fashion No No?

Damn! $450,000 Lamborghini Aventador wrecked in crash

Damn! $450,000 Lamborghini Aventador wrecked in crash

A Lamborghini Aventador speed car worth about $450,000 was wrecked in a three-car smash on one of London's most expensive streets, Sloane Street in Knightsbridge, yesterday afternoon.

The Lamborghini was involved in the crash with a BMW and a Mazda 5. The matte black super car collided with the Mazda, then hit a stationary BMW, badly damaging the front of the car. Ouch! I'm seriously hurting for the owner...:-). See more photos after the cut...

'I'm a supporter of polygamy; most African men are polygamous in nature' - Jibola Dabo

'I'm a supporter of polygamy; most African men are polygamous in nature' - Jibola Dabo

Nollywood actor Jibola Dabo, who has five children from different women said in a recent interview with TheNetng that he's an ardent supporter of polygamy and believes that most men in Africa are polygamous in nature. Read what he said below and tell us if you agree with him...

"People misunderstands what polygamy means. I am an ardent supporter of polygamy. Every single man, mostly from Africa, is polygamous in nature. We are just deceiving ourselves. Polygamy means when you see a woman you love and desire, you marry her with the consent of your already married wife and bring her home. It's not when you have one wife at home, then you have others scattered in different other places, that is not polygamy. And not when you have three wives and you cannot take care of one, that is an insult to polygamy. There are so many women out there who just want to have a man as an umbrella, but we keep saying one man one woman. Yet the women keep suffering. We all know that we have much more women in this world than men, the ratio is too high.

My father had six wives, my uncle that brought me up had so many wives also. What I am saying is that it is not illegal, we are not in America. Ironically, the white man would have one wife and still keep so many mistresses. If not, there wouldn't have been an English word for concubines. That means it exists in their culture. Which is better, concubines or wives? In the days when polygamy was well respected, diseases were not rampant. It is now that when men hide to do it that strange sexually transmitted diseases have become the order of the day" he said.

"I have only one wife but I have children from more than one woman. And its not because I had mistresses, its because I have lived in various countries, including America, France, Britain etc. I am this person that any woman that comes to me would always want to have something for me. I have had experiences. I was with a woman and years later, a child was brought to me, a child I didn't know when it was conceived". he added

Helen Prest Ajayi & daughter launch auction site, U-wantit.com

Helen Prest Ajayi & daughter launch auction site, U-wantit.com

Former Miss Nigeria, Helen Prest Ajayi and her eldest daughter Tiffany-Annabelle have launched an online auction site, u-wantit.com where you can buy luxury items like iPhones, Laptops, Louboutins, Chanel, Louis Vuitton and much more for almost 90% off retail prices. Mrs Ajayi explains how the site works below...

I was getting ready to go to a party when I realized the bag I had planned on rocking (as my daughters would say) was missing! After serious interrogation of my daughters, I found the culprit to be my eldest daughter who was planning to rock it at university. In the moment I wanted to shout, but thought about it, really who doesn’t like nice things?  

Like my daughter Tiffany-Annabelle, people want designer things. But sometimes they don’t always have the means to get them when they want them. It’s really hard when you look at Reality TV and magazines and everybody seems to have it but you! Continue..

This is why Tiffany and I came up with the concept u-wantit.com to give everyone a chance to get brand new luxury items like Louis Vuitton, iPhones, Gucci, iPads and much much more for up to 90% off the original price!  

HOW IT WORKS:
To get started, you will need to buy u-wantit credit. You can use your credit to either REVEAL THE PRICE or bid to be the LOWEST UNIQUE BID

REVEAL THE PRICE - Every time you click, the price goes down. The more people that click the lower the price goes. If you can afford the price you see when you click, go ahead and buy.

LOWEST UNIQUE BID - For this Auction you enter the lowest price that you want to pay (e.g. iPhone 5c for N2, 500/£10.00), if anyone enters the same price as you, it’s not unique. The person with the Lowest Unique Price wins and gets to buy the item at the winning price they enter.

At U-Wantit.com you pay “Last Price” for everything u-want. 

USP: Prices are Up to 90% off Retail prices

IDEAL MEMBER: Anyone who loves Designer things and wants AUTHENTIC DESIGNER Bags, Shoes and Latest Gadgets at Fantastically Low Prices.

New Michael Jackson album release date announced

New Michael Jackson album release date announced

Yep, there's a new Michael Jackson album...five years after his death. Sony and Epic Records today announced a plan to release a posthumous Michael Jackson album titled Xscape

Epic CEO L.A. Reid handpicked eight previously unreleased tracks by Michael Jackson, which have been 'contemporized for modern ears' and added new production by Timbaland and Rodney Jerkins.

The album drops May 13th.

Photos from Ese Walter and Benny Ark's white wedding

Pat Utomi planning to convene alternative CONFAB

Pat Utomi planning to convene alternative CONFAB

Makes sense!

Comedian Ali Baba shares wardrobe pic online as he blasts 'haters'

Comedian Ali Baba shares wardrobe pic online as he blasts 'haters'

Lol. Live and Let Live, biko.

Actress Foluke Daramola's husband grabs her boobs in new photo

Actress Foluke Daramola's husband grabs her boobs in new photo

skazy

It's his property so it's allowed! :-)

can’t waste my time on El-Rufai, he’s too small - Pastor Oritsejafor

I can’t waste my time on El-Rufai, he’s too small - Pastor Oritsejafor

In an interview with Punch today, President of the Christian Association of Nigeria, Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor responded for the first time on Mallam Nasir Elrufai's claims that the private jet he got some months back was from the presidency and not from his church members. (Find story here)

Your children in the ministry bought aircraft for you recently, but Mallam Nasir el-Rufai claimed it was a gift from the President. How do you feel about this?

I am glad that there are people who challenged him. I would only be dignifying him if a person at my level starts exchanging words with a small person like el-Rufai. He is too small. I will not dignify him with a response. People responded. They told him that since he knew who gave the gift, he should provide the proof, which he hasn’t done till today. Obviously, he didn’t have any proof. That is the problem with Nigeria. We continue to celebrate people like el-Rufai. He is too small for me.

Are you considering legal actions against him?

If I did that, I would be giving him publicity. el-Rufai is too small for that. I shouldn’t have anything to do with him. If there are other Nigerians who will want to take him to court, they are free, but not for me. Going to court with who? el-Rufai? el-Rufai is too small. I won’t waste my time on him.

Dear women, you know we can actually hold out until marriage?

Dear women, you know we can actually hold out until marriage?

How many of you watched that Nick Cannon video yesterday where he listed the names of 5 famous women he's slept with? (See it here) Did you hear what he said about Mariah Carey when they asked him when they first slept together?

"On our wedding night, honeymoon style, in the Bahamas. That's a real woman there, make you wait, til you got married." Nick said

About other women, Nick said "It's LA! That's the whole purpose, you have sex with actresses, singers, models...but Mariah made me wait"

In essence, a real woman makes a man wait till they are married before giving herself to him? I know it's really difficult to hold out, especially when you're crazy in love with the guy, but the thing is, men actually respect that. They really do. And whether you sleep with a man or not, if he wants to marry you, he will, right?

Personally, I don't know if I can. I'd love to I swear. I keep telling myself that's the plan but you can meet a guy tomorrow now with Brad Pitt's face, Tyson Beckford's body, Gerard Butler's charm and Kevin Hart's sense of humur and lose your senses. lol. But ultimately this is the best thing to do, wait till you are married. What do you ladies think? And big kudos to Mariah

Dear women, you know we can actually hold out until marriage?

Dear women, you know we can actually hold out until marriage?

How many of you watched that Nick Cannon video yesterday where he listed the names of 5 famous women he's slept with? (See it here) Did you hear what he said about Mariah Carey when they asked him when they first slept together?

"On our wedding night, honeymoon style, in the Bahamas. That's a real woman there, make you wait, til you got married." Nick said

About other women, Nick said "It's LA! That's the whole purpose, you have sex with actresses, singers, models...but Mariah made me wait"

In essence, a real woman makes a man wait till they are married before giving herself to him? I know it's really difficult to hold out, especially when you're crazy in love with the guy, but the thing is, men actually respect that. They really do. And whether you sleep with a man or not, if he wants to marry you, he will, right?

Personally, I don't know if I can. I'd love to I swear. I keep telling myself that's the plan but you can meet a guy tomorrow now with Brad Pitt's face, Tyson Beckford's body, Gerard Butler's charm and Kevin Hart's sense of humur and lose your senses. lol. But ultimately this is the best thing to do, wait till you are married. What do you ladies think? And big kudos to Mariah

Pastor Sign Fireman absolved of murder

Pastor Sign Fireman absolved of murder

Weeks after he was arrested for the alleged ritual murder of a virgin girl, Pastor Sign Fireman, the founder of Perfect Christianity Mission, has been cleared of all murder charges.

The Lagos State Directorate of Public Prosecutions (DPP) absolved the popular pastor of complicity in the murder of a 12 year old virgin after the conclusion of police investigations into the incident.

"After a careful consideration of the facts contained in the duplicate file, this office is of the opinion that a prima facie case of murder is established against the primary suspect (Egbo) only. In view of the foregoing, this office shall prosecute Egbo at the state high court for the offence of murder.

“On the other hand, the second suspect (Fireman) is to be released forthwith if he is still in custody as no case is established against him,” the DPP stated.

Ikechukwu Egbo, the young man who strangled the little girl to death in an abandoned building in the Badagry area of Lagos is still in custody and has been charged with murder. Fireman has since said he's not planning to sue the police over his arrest because they were only doing their job.

'Ibinabo should resign as AGN president because of political appointment'- Clarion Chukwurah

'Ibinabo should resign as AGN president because of political appointment'- Clarion Chukwurah

Actress Clarion Chukwurah has called on the current President of the Actors Guild of Nigeria(AGN) Ibinabo Fiberisima, to resign from office as she has been appointed into a political office by President Jonathan. Ibinabo apointed by President Jonathan on the board of the National Council for Arts and Culture (NCAC) on February 26th.

In a two-page statement she released titled, Ibinabo and the AGN visit to President GEJ: Setting The Record Straight, Clarion Chukwurah said since Ibinabo has received the Federal Government's appointment, it is expected of her to vacate office as AGN President and face her new appointment, as Onyeka Onwenu and Kanayo O Kanayo her predecessors did. Continue...

"The AGN was not established as a platform to canvass for political appointments or pursue selfish interests. Ms Onyeka Onwenu and Mr Kanayo O. Kanayo listed as examples in her address, became card carrying members of PDP and pursued the realization of PDP’s political goals to obtain their appointments. Ms Ibinabo Fiberisima should resign as AGN president for her brazen use of a body created to serve the creative interests of a group, to gain political appointment while in office. I enjoin her to follow the respectable road of her named predecessors, by joining the PDP and testing the real value of her self-earned popularity as an actress for political appointment,” she said.

She also expressed her displeasure at Ibinabo taking some actors to the Presidential Villa, an act she saw as going to literally begging for crumbs

"While it is not surprising that Ibinabo Fiberisima will display such a lack of knowledge of what advances screen actors professionally in the developed world, since she has not functioned consistently as an actor, and has less than 10 titles to her credit in a career spanning from the late 80s, it is however surprising that the established actors within her entourage watched in compliance, the denigration of the integrity of Nigerian screen actors, as she read her requests literally begging for crumbs from the president’s table,” said Chukwurah

Humour: Google causes relationship problems

My take on the above? She is a paranoid learner. This is the 21st century. What makes her think its a “she” that kept him – and for just two extra minutes? I mean, if a guy’s going to be kept late by a woman, it has to be for like 2 hours. Can I have an amen in the house? Duh!
But here’s a possible come back: “Honey, I used Nokia’s HERE Maps. It says 11 minutes. I’m actually early!” If she buys that…

Want a water proof smartphone? Have a look here

Add http://skazynaija.blogspot.com/caption

Water (and fluids in general) is a renowned nemesis of the smartphone. As a rule, once your beloved phone takes a splash or a dunking, that is the beginning of the end of days for it. As such, I can imagine that you must be interested in a water proof smartphone. Your friendly super hero, Super Mo, has drawn up a list of water proof smartphones that are currently available in Nigeria.
Note that while there are water proof mobiles from various manufacturers globally, at the moment, only Sony seems to be officially marketing such devices in Nigeria.

Sony

Sony Xperia V – N46,000
Sony Xperia Z – N66,000
Sony Xperia Z1 – N93,000
Sony Xperia Z Ultra – N99,000
Sony Xperia Tablet Z – N98,000
Below are other manufacturers and their water proof devices that may or may not be seen in this market.

Huawei

Huawei is officially in Nigeria, but I have no information on the availability of the water proof Honor 3 and Ascend D2.

Samsung

Samsung is officially in the country, but the I9295 Galaxy S4 Active isn’t being marketed here, as far as I can tell. The Galaxy S5 is water proof and headed this way though, but won’t be here till April.

LG

Officially servicing the Nigerian market as well, LG has the water proof Optimus GJ E975W, a twin of the E975, but it does not appear to be marketed here.
A water proof smartphone is a great idea and a huge convenience. Whether it is rain or your toddler thinking it is a great idea to wash your phone, you can buy some peace of mind with one of these. All the above listed devices have a minimum IP57 certification. This means that they are resistant to dust that can mess them up and that you can dunk them in water of up to 1 meter deep for a maximum of 30 minutes. Anything beyond that, and you are on your own.
This has to be said: the same way that Nokia has built a niche for itself with smartphone photography, it is pretty much clear that Sony owns the water proof smartphone corner.

TRAGIC: Yeni Kuti Loses Ex-Husband In Road Accident

Yeni Kuti’s ex-husband got in a deadly bike accident in Lagos about a week ago and died in hospital on March 21, 2014, Friday. He and Yeni Kuti had a daughter.
Femi Segun was the son of award winning Nigerian novelist, Mabel Segun. He was also the National Publicity Secretary of Igbobi College, Old Boys Association.
Rest in peace.

If I were really making N1.8m monthly…

I have been on the scene long enough to see bullshit (pardon my French) and recognise it for what it is. Back in the early 2000s, we had scores of individuals promising people instruction on how to make millions of Naira monthly from the internet. I used to run a web host at that time, so that put me in a privileged position. You see, all of them needed web hosting to put up their websites – and a significant number came to host with us.
There was this guy who always rode commercial motorcycles to and from my office. He would come looking raggedy. He was the template for all the others. They were replicas of him to different degrees. It was all a big hustle: struggling individuals making claims about having made millions online and offering the secrets behind that to unsuspecting others.
Every time that you read or hear something like, “It is very easy to do. You do not need any special computer skills or qualifications. Anybody can do what I’m doing and start making as much as I’m currently making,” your alarms should go off. You are about to get conned. Somebody is about to make easy money off you.
So, this morning, when I saw a marketing pitch by someone claiming to make N600,000 in ten days, and now offering the awesome secret behind his success to others, I saw what it was: another scam. If I were making N600,000 in 10 days – that is N1.8 million in a month – I am pretty sure that I won’t be hustling a cheap report about it online.
Oh; and here is something: people who make bogus claims like that never last. None of those guys who were claiming to be making millions online monthly are anywhere to be found today. I am still here. Another gentleman that I respect from back in the day is Usiere Uko of Nigeria Galleria (which was hosted by my web host from the beginning). He is still here as well, as are others who have stayed diligent and working smart. There is no dirt easy way to make money online or offline.

If I were really making N1.8m monthly…

I have been on the scene long enough to see bullshit (pardon my French) and recognise it for what it is. Back in the early 2000s, we had scores of individuals promising people instruction on how to make millions of Naira monthly from the internet. I used to run a web host at that time, so that put me in a privileged position. You see, all of them needed web hosting to put up their websites – and a significant number came to host with us.
There was this guy who always rode commercial motorcycles to and from my office. He would come looking raggedy. He was the template for all the others. They were replicas of him to different degrees. It was all a big hustle: struggling individuals making claims about having made millions online and offering the secrets behind that to unsuspecting others.
Every time that you read or hear something like, “It is very easy to do. You do not need any special computer skills or qualifications. Anybody can do what I’m doing and start making as much as I’m currently making,” your alarms should go off. You are about to get conned. Somebody is about to make easy money off you.
So, this morning, when I saw a marketing pitch by someone claiming to make N600,000 in ten days, and now offering the awesome secret behind his success to others, I saw what it was: another scam. If I were making N600,000 in 10 days – that is N1.8 million in a month – I am pretty sure that I won’t be hustling a cheap report about it online.
Oh; and here is something: people who make bogus claims like that never last. None of those guys who were claiming to be making millions online monthly are anywhere to be found today. I am still here. Another gentleman that I respect from back in the day is Usiere Uko of Nigeria Galleria (which was hosted by my web host from the beginning). He is still here as well, as are others who have stayed diligent and working smart. There is no dirt easy way to make money online or offline.

PHOTOS: Rukky Sanda Exposes Private Parts In Tight Outfit

Nigerian actress, Rukky Sanda was recently spotted in these tights which certainly did not leave much to the imagination.

The outline of her private area seems pretty obvious, but the actress does not seem to mind. Or maybe she did not notice.

What do you guys think?

Jim Iyke In London To Shoot New Episodes Of ‘Unscripted’

  All smiles...Jim Iyke gets comfy in London
(Daniel Sync)

Jim Iyke Arrives London
(Daniel Sync)

Some broken hearts never mend Keturah Hamilton Cries Out: “Jim Iyke Used And Dumped Me Like A Filthy Rag”

Jim Iyke Displays His 6 Packs Ahead Of ‘Unscripted’ Premiere The Star Actor Looks Yummy!

In Your Face! Jim Iyke’s Unscripted Is Actually Scripted And Acted!

Nollwood star Actor, Jim Iyke, has arrived the United Kingdom to film episodes of his ‘Jim Iyke Unscripted’ reality TV show.
The strapping actor, touched down in London yesterday, amidst a flurry of activities and was quickly whisked away in cars to an unknown location.
This new production is speculated to be aired in the second season of his show. The TV series which kicked off 6 February 2014 on Africa Magic Entertainment centered on Jim Iyke’s life, his relationship status and what actually happened with his one-time Jamaican fiancée, Keturah Hamilton and the truth about his ‘spiritual deliverance’.
Jim Iyke Unscripted is a joint production of Africa Magic and Oh Africa TV. The reality TV show was brokered by Jim's UK-based management company, Greyology Inc.

Gunmen attack Senate Presidents Convoy in Imo

Gunmen attack Senate Presidents Convoy in Imo

The convoy of Nigeria's Senate President, David Mark, was attacked yesterday by unknown gunmen who specifically targeted the vehicle in which Senator Mark was to enter, Channels TV reports.

David Mark was on his way to the burial ceremony of late business mogul, John Richard Anyaehie in Nkwerre Community in Imo State when the attack happened.

Report say no life was lost in the attack.

Bowen University closed indefinitely following students' riot

Bowen University closed indefinitely following students' riot

The management of Bowen University this morning closed the school indefinitely following students' protest last night. Students of the private uni. say they are protesting scarcity of electricity, water and plans by the university to increase school fees. The students say they are not being treated right

"They take the light by 8am, and bring it back by 8pm and it goes off by 11pm again. We don't have water, no socket light, while our lecturers are in AC offices and cars. We have time table for eating. 7-9am for breakfast, 12-3 for lunch and 6-8 for dinner. Most times we have classes during these periods" one student told me.

All students have been asked to leave the university...while some students who were detained last night after the riot are yet to be released. Continue...

Students protesting at the front of the VC's office this morning after they were told to vacate school premises...

 Pics from the riot yesterday...