Every
time I think about the fact that my EHarmony subscription is just a
waste of money, I remember that it a rich source of material for my
writing. Last year, I had gone back and forth on the site with one guy
until the point of seeing one another. So we were to set up this date to
have coffee and the man wanted to meet up on a weekday. As I’ve
recently become a juggler of work, work and more work, there was no way
that a weekday date would have worked. He also wanted to meet up in the
evening. At that time of the year, it was already dark by 4PM. As a
Yoruba girl who has seen way too many Hollywood movies, there was no way
I was going to meet a man I met online at night. Add years of living in
Ilorin to the equation and I was imagining my breasts in one calabash
somewhere. Na uhn! Then, dude said he didn’t want to meet in the City
and wanted us to meet up in his area. He said he has broken his leg and
couldn’t walk around. Atoke, Ogbomosho girl asked if he had not been
going to work. He said oh yeah, he had been going but… he just didn’t
want to go far from his area.At this point I had given up but as it was gist I said ‘okay, I’ll come to your area. Is there a cafe near you?’. To this he responded that he had been thinking it’d be nice if we shared a glass of wine over at his. Mehn! There was no kind of article I want to write that will justify being Kolobi’d in one German man’s house oh!
After that experience I widened the catchment area of my matches. So this weekend, I opened EHarmony again and I’d exchanged Makes&Breaks with a fellow called ‘Joe’, black, sales advisor, lives in London. Then he asked for my number and called. Nigerian accent. Okay cool. Then he asked the usual questions they say Nigerians ask as ice breakers.
Joe: How many siblings do you have?
Atoke: Two
Joe: Where do you live in Lagos?
Atoke: Oshodi
Atoke: Oshodi
Joe: What university did you go?
Atoke: Unilag
Atoke: Unilag
By now I was tired of the inquisition so
I said “Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”. To which he
responded “What do you want to know?”. Nothing really, I was bored from
all the questions. But I couldn’t say that… so I said “Everything you’ve
asked me”. He talked. I tuned out a bit so I can’t recall a lot of what
he said until he said “I’ve been here since I was very little”. “How
little?”. Then he said “19″. “But, 19 is not very little?”. “Well I’m
TAARTY something years now so that’s little”. Clearly not little enough
to have learned to say ‘Thirty’ with the ‘TH’ sound.
X.X.X.
Okay, don’t be so judgmental. I mentally chided myself and held on to the phone.
X.X.X.
Okay, don’t be so judgmental. I mentally chided myself and held on to the phone.
So moving swiftly along, he asked where I lived. “So how do I get to see you? If I come to your town where will I sleep?”
Ha! This grown man was asking me where
he’d sleep? “I’m sure there are lots of Bed and Breakfast places”. There
was a long pause. Was the man expecting to stay in my house? Then he
asked me how long it takes to get here from London.
It is well.
For me, the most disturbing part of that conversation was the “Where will I sleep?” question. As I told my friend the story, she said “You know we Nigerians don’t like going to places where we don’t know anybody. Somewhere to crash!”
Is this true?
For me, the most disturbing part of that conversation was the “Where will I sleep?” question. As I told my friend the story, she said “You know we Nigerians don’t like going to places where we don’t know anybody. Somewhere to crash!”
Is this true?
Should I truly have been more proactive
in looking for accommodation for this man? Was I honestly expected to
prepare a room in my house for him? What’s the proper operating
procedure for these things?
Anyway, I shall leave you here. Share
some of your random stories of meeting people on social media with us.
Apparently, this social media romance is the ‘way’. Two weeks ago we
read of the guys who met each other in the comments section. Last week
it was the guy who proposed to the girl he met on Twitter… on Twitter!
Today is Random Ramblings day.
Have a lovely week ahead. Don’t be
bogged down by the myriad of life’s worries, because life is too
fleeting to NOT enjoy the little things. Remember to smile.
Peace, love & cupcakes.
Toodles!
Killing us softly
IN
a famous major musical hit by the Black American female singer Roberta
Flack, she described a man as “killing her softly, with his song”.
When one listens carefully to the song it is clear exactly what she means. When a change, be it painful or pleasant, is applied softly and persistently, it can easily have attained deleterious proportions before the victim realises it. When one looks at many things in Nigeria, one easily realises how things creep up on us and end up the way they are.
Let us start with the irresponsible wastage of food at our many social events, official and private. The caterers whether out of ignorance or in order to charge their clients more, and more, serve far more food than any reasonable person can consume. This is in addition to plates full of so-called “small chops”.
You only need to observe as you leave a social event how much food has been part-eaten or left uneaten on the table. Caterers normally negotiate payment due on a per plate or per person basis, so they really do not make more profit by serving embarrassingly large portions or giving persons who are all dressed up hard meat on the bone which ends up uneaten. I have seen many men in flowing robes not attempt to eat the full plates and large pieces of meat on bone served to them. As you look around you will see meat, fish and chicken floating in oil.
Perhaps, one should not be surprised because the catering, or cooked food business, is one that Nigerians think anyone can engage in, as if, if you can cook you are a caterer. The person hiring a company to cater for his party often does not make enough effort to ascertain the credentials of the company.
People often wonder why Nigerians are dropping dead these days. I suggest that our party caterers by their practices are killing us softly! What makes this situation worse is that these bad food serving practices also permeate meals served in many homes.
These are many occasions when the sound of electricity generators echo in my ears even when no generator is on. My clothes often smell of diesel at the end of each day.
We know that noise pollution can deafen while hydrocarbon fumes can and do kill, how be it, through cancer or respiratory, skin and blood diseases. We also ingest hydrocarbons through the soil in which our food is grown. The failure of successive governments, both Federal and state, to find a sustainable solution to our energy drought, but instead themselves encourage increasing use of generators and diesel, is a significant way of killing us softly.
Why should any State House, Federal or state, have standby generators? Why should officials and directors of power companies have standby generators? They are all killing us softly! Their attitudes sustain the lack of solution to our energy problems.
Have you noticed how mobile phone company masts spring up in our country? Many of these towers are very close if not on top of buildings housing people? What is the evidence that the bombardment of humans by the emission of these commercial ventures is safe for us to be so close to? Do any of our massively profitable telecommunication companies spend or plan to spend funds to find out? Of course, they will not unless their regulatory body insists. They are killing us softly!
At school we were taught that “democracy is the government of the people by the people for the people”. That democracy was assumed to be participatory democracy. Is democracy participatory when the means of participating is unattainable by the vast majority, and participation becomes a game of restricted musical chairs when the same names change designation? This system ensures that so-called democratically elected persons have no consideration for the electors as they do not need them to be elected. They are killing us softly.
Government is meant to be for us all. If and when you need to renew any license or registration in a government agency, it is not unusual to find that new requirements have been introduced to ensure you pay more and more to government, and without due notice or any apology. Should this be how citizenry is treated? The impunity which with governments do things and do not feel they need to explain or listen to those suffering under their impositions is amazing.
They demand more and more and do so because we have given them mandate to rule us. Yes, to rule us, but not to kill us!
One should also consider whether any bank in Nigeria does any banking? May be they do with and for the multi-nationals and big companies. For small companies, they show very little interest and give little support. Many ensure that the securities they request for an overdraft are akin to what they expect from large companies. Some even refuse to hand back your collateral when you have paid off capital and interest.
Whose banks are they? Definitely not for the ordinary man or small companies. To make matters worse the Central Bank of Nigeria has allowed banks to participate in all kinds of investments after re-phasing through the use of holding companies.
They are all killing us softly for private investors cannot compete with the massive funds of the bank. Banks own insurance companies, health maintenance organisations, and mobile phone companies, to name some things bank should not be owners of.
Is there hope at all? People say a hopeless life is no life. From time to time, man sees the reduction of massive power, wealth and greed to near nothing. You would think that we would learn from this, but we do not.
But we can refuse to be killed, in any way and insist that what should be ours must be ours. The lesson of history has been often that arrogance and thoughtlessness disappear, when we refuse to be killed softly! We continue to live in hope of a better tomorrow, but starting today.
When one listens carefully to the song it is clear exactly what she means. When a change, be it painful or pleasant, is applied softly and persistently, it can easily have attained deleterious proportions before the victim realises it. When one looks at many things in Nigeria, one easily realises how things creep up on us and end up the way they are.
Let us start with the irresponsible wastage of food at our many social events, official and private. The caterers whether out of ignorance or in order to charge their clients more, and more, serve far more food than any reasonable person can consume. This is in addition to plates full of so-called “small chops”.
You only need to observe as you leave a social event how much food has been part-eaten or left uneaten on the table. Caterers normally negotiate payment due on a per plate or per person basis, so they really do not make more profit by serving embarrassingly large portions or giving persons who are all dressed up hard meat on the bone which ends up uneaten. I have seen many men in flowing robes not attempt to eat the full plates and large pieces of meat on bone served to them. As you look around you will see meat, fish and chicken floating in oil.
Perhaps, one should not be surprised because the catering, or cooked food business, is one that Nigerians think anyone can engage in, as if, if you can cook you are a caterer. The person hiring a company to cater for his party often does not make enough effort to ascertain the credentials of the company.
People often wonder why Nigerians are dropping dead these days. I suggest that our party caterers by their practices are killing us softly! What makes this situation worse is that these bad food serving practices also permeate meals served in many homes.
These are many occasions when the sound of electricity generators echo in my ears even when no generator is on. My clothes often smell of diesel at the end of each day.
We know that noise pollution can deafen while hydrocarbon fumes can and do kill, how be it, through cancer or respiratory, skin and blood diseases. We also ingest hydrocarbons through the soil in which our food is grown. The failure of successive governments, both Federal and state, to find a sustainable solution to our energy drought, but instead themselves encourage increasing use of generators and diesel, is a significant way of killing us softly.
Why should any State House, Federal or state, have standby generators? Why should officials and directors of power companies have standby generators? They are all killing us softly! Their attitudes sustain the lack of solution to our energy problems.
Have you noticed how mobile phone company masts spring up in our country? Many of these towers are very close if not on top of buildings housing people? What is the evidence that the bombardment of humans by the emission of these commercial ventures is safe for us to be so close to? Do any of our massively profitable telecommunication companies spend or plan to spend funds to find out? Of course, they will not unless their regulatory body insists. They are killing us softly!
At school we were taught that “democracy is the government of the people by the people for the people”. That democracy was assumed to be participatory democracy. Is democracy participatory when the means of participating is unattainable by the vast majority, and participation becomes a game of restricted musical chairs when the same names change designation? This system ensures that so-called democratically elected persons have no consideration for the electors as they do not need them to be elected. They are killing us softly.
Government is meant to be for us all. If and when you need to renew any license or registration in a government agency, it is not unusual to find that new requirements have been introduced to ensure you pay more and more to government, and without due notice or any apology. Should this be how citizenry is treated? The impunity which with governments do things and do not feel they need to explain or listen to those suffering under their impositions is amazing.
They demand more and more and do so because we have given them mandate to rule us. Yes, to rule us, but not to kill us!
One should also consider whether any bank in Nigeria does any banking? May be they do with and for the multi-nationals and big companies. For small companies, they show very little interest and give little support. Many ensure that the securities they request for an overdraft are akin to what they expect from large companies. Some even refuse to hand back your collateral when you have paid off capital and interest.
Whose banks are they? Definitely not for the ordinary man or small companies. To make matters worse the Central Bank of Nigeria has allowed banks to participate in all kinds of investments after re-phasing through the use of holding companies.
They are all killing us softly for private investors cannot compete with the massive funds of the bank. Banks own insurance companies, health maintenance organisations, and mobile phone companies, to name some things bank should not be owners of.
Is there hope at all? People say a hopeless life is no life. From time to time, man sees the reduction of massive power, wealth and greed to near nothing. You would think that we would learn from this, but we do not.
But we can refuse to be killed, in any way and insist that what should be ours must be ours. The lesson of history has been often that arrogance and thoughtlessness disappear, when we refuse to be killed softly! We continue to live in hope of a better tomorrow, but starting today.
Killing us softly
IN
a famous major musical hit by the Black American female singer Roberta
Flack, she described a man as “killing her softly, with his song”.
When one listens carefully to the song it is clear exactly what she means. When a change, be it painful or pleasant, is applied softly and persistently, it can easily have attained deleterious proportions before the victim realises it. When one looks at many things in Nigeria, one easily realises how things creep up on us and end up the way they are.
Let us start with the irresponsible wastage of food at our many social events, official and private. The caterers whether out of ignorance or in order to charge their clients more, and more, serve far more food than any reasonable person can consume. This is in addition to plates full of so-called “small chops”.
You only need to observe as you leave a social event how much food has been part-eaten or left uneaten on the table. Caterers normally negotiate payment due on a per plate or per person basis, so they really do not make more profit by serving embarrassingly large portions or giving persons who are all dressed up hard meat on the bone which ends up uneaten. I have seen many men in flowing robes not attempt to eat the full plates and large pieces of meat on bone served to them. As you look around you will see meat, fish and chicken floating in oil.
Perhaps, one should not be surprised because the catering, or cooked food business, is one that Nigerians think anyone can engage in, as if, if you can cook you are a caterer. The person hiring a company to cater for his party often does not make enough effort to ascertain the credentials of the company.
People often wonder why Nigerians are dropping dead these days. I suggest that our party caterers by their practices are killing us softly! What makes this situation worse is that these bad food serving practices also permeate meals served in many homes.
These are many occasions when the sound of electricity generators echo in my ears even when no generator is on. My clothes often smell of diesel at the end of each day.
We know that noise pollution can deafen while hydrocarbon fumes can and do kill, how be it, through cancer or respiratory, skin and blood diseases. We also ingest hydrocarbons through the soil in which our food is grown. The failure of successive governments, both Federal and state, to find a sustainable solution to our energy drought, but instead themselves encourage increasing use of generators and diesel, is a significant way of killing us softly.
Why should any State House, Federal or state, have standby generators? Why should officials and directors of power companies have standby generators? They are all killing us softly! Their attitudes sustain the lack of solution to our energy problems.
Have you noticed how mobile phone company masts spring up in our country? Many of these towers are very close if not on top of buildings housing people? What is the evidence that the bombardment of humans by the emission of these commercial ventures is safe for us to be so close to? Do any of our massively profitable telecommunication companies spend or plan to spend funds to find out? Of course, they will not unless their regulatory body insists. They are killing us softly!
At school we were taught that “democracy is the government of the people by the people for the people”. That democracy was assumed to be participatory democracy. Is democracy participatory when the means of participating is unattainable by the vast majority, and participation becomes a game of restricted musical chairs when the same names change designation? This system ensures that so-called democratically elected persons have no consideration for the electors as they do not need them to be elected. They are killing us softly.
Government is meant to be for us all. If and when you need to renew any license or registration in a government agency, it is not unusual to find that new requirements have been introduced to ensure you pay more and more to government, and without due notice or any apology. Should this be how citizenry is treated? The impunity which with governments do things and do not feel they need to explain or listen to those suffering under their impositions is amazing.
They demand more and more and do so because we have given them mandate to rule us. Yes, to rule us, but not to kill us!
One should also consider whether any bank in Nigeria does any banking? May be they do with and for the multi-nationals and big companies. For small companies, they show very little interest and give little support. Many ensure that the securities they request for an overdraft are akin to what they expect from large companies. Some even refuse to hand back your collateral when you have paid off capital and interest.
Whose banks are they? Definitely not for the ordinary man or small companies. To make matters worse the Central Bank of Nigeria has allowed banks to participate in all kinds of investments after re-phasing through the use of holding companies.
They are all killing us softly for private investors cannot compete with the massive funds of the bank. Banks own insurance companies, health maintenance organisations, and mobile phone companies, to name some things bank should not be owners of.
Is there hope at all? People say a hopeless life is no life. From time to time, man sees the reduction of massive power, wealth and greed to near nothing. You would think that we would learn from this, but we do not.
But we can refuse to be killed, in any way and insist that what should be ours must be ours. The lesson of history has been often that arrogance and thoughtlessness disappear, when we refuse to be killed softly! We continue to live in hope of a better tomorrow, but starting today.
When one listens carefully to the song it is clear exactly what she means. When a change, be it painful or pleasant, is applied softly and persistently, it can easily have attained deleterious proportions before the victim realises it. When one looks at many things in Nigeria, one easily realises how things creep up on us and end up the way they are.
Let us start with the irresponsible wastage of food at our many social events, official and private. The caterers whether out of ignorance or in order to charge their clients more, and more, serve far more food than any reasonable person can consume. This is in addition to plates full of so-called “small chops”.
You only need to observe as you leave a social event how much food has been part-eaten or left uneaten on the table. Caterers normally negotiate payment due on a per plate or per person basis, so they really do not make more profit by serving embarrassingly large portions or giving persons who are all dressed up hard meat on the bone which ends up uneaten. I have seen many men in flowing robes not attempt to eat the full plates and large pieces of meat on bone served to them. As you look around you will see meat, fish and chicken floating in oil.
Perhaps, one should not be surprised because the catering, or cooked food business, is one that Nigerians think anyone can engage in, as if, if you can cook you are a caterer. The person hiring a company to cater for his party often does not make enough effort to ascertain the credentials of the company.
People often wonder why Nigerians are dropping dead these days. I suggest that our party caterers by their practices are killing us softly! What makes this situation worse is that these bad food serving practices also permeate meals served in many homes.
These are many occasions when the sound of electricity generators echo in my ears even when no generator is on. My clothes often smell of diesel at the end of each day.
We know that noise pollution can deafen while hydrocarbon fumes can and do kill, how be it, through cancer or respiratory, skin and blood diseases. We also ingest hydrocarbons through the soil in which our food is grown. The failure of successive governments, both Federal and state, to find a sustainable solution to our energy drought, but instead themselves encourage increasing use of generators and diesel, is a significant way of killing us softly.
Why should any State House, Federal or state, have standby generators? Why should officials and directors of power companies have standby generators? They are all killing us softly! Their attitudes sustain the lack of solution to our energy problems.
Have you noticed how mobile phone company masts spring up in our country? Many of these towers are very close if not on top of buildings housing people? What is the evidence that the bombardment of humans by the emission of these commercial ventures is safe for us to be so close to? Do any of our massively profitable telecommunication companies spend or plan to spend funds to find out? Of course, they will not unless their regulatory body insists. They are killing us softly!
At school we were taught that “democracy is the government of the people by the people for the people”. That democracy was assumed to be participatory democracy. Is democracy participatory when the means of participating is unattainable by the vast majority, and participation becomes a game of restricted musical chairs when the same names change designation? This system ensures that so-called democratically elected persons have no consideration for the electors as they do not need them to be elected. They are killing us softly.
Government is meant to be for us all. If and when you need to renew any license or registration in a government agency, it is not unusual to find that new requirements have been introduced to ensure you pay more and more to government, and without due notice or any apology. Should this be how citizenry is treated? The impunity which with governments do things and do not feel they need to explain or listen to those suffering under their impositions is amazing.
They demand more and more and do so because we have given them mandate to rule us. Yes, to rule us, but not to kill us!
One should also consider whether any bank in Nigeria does any banking? May be they do with and for the multi-nationals and big companies. For small companies, they show very little interest and give little support. Many ensure that the securities they request for an overdraft are akin to what they expect from large companies. Some even refuse to hand back your collateral when you have paid off capital and interest.
Whose banks are they? Definitely not for the ordinary man or small companies. To make matters worse the Central Bank of Nigeria has allowed banks to participate in all kinds of investments after re-phasing through the use of holding companies.
They are all killing us softly for private investors cannot compete with the massive funds of the bank. Banks own insurance companies, health maintenance organisations, and mobile phone companies, to name some things bank should not be owners of.
Is there hope at all? People say a hopeless life is no life. From time to time, man sees the reduction of massive power, wealth and greed to near nothing. You would think that we would learn from this, but we do not.
But we can refuse to be killed, in any way and insist that what should be ours must be ours. The lesson of history has been often that arrogance and thoughtlessness disappear, when we refuse to be killed softly! We continue to live in hope of a better tomorrow, but starting today.
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